The Fifth Marauder
by A.S. Kinsman
Summary: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. The Marauders grew up in a generation that saw the rise of Voldemort and experienced the First Wizarding War. Hogwarts was a safe place for most students to learn. Some, however, would inevitably become casualties of the war or become living victims. Experience the magic again. See the 1970's through the eyes of the fifth marauder.
1. Prologue

**The Fifth Marauder**

_by _

**A.S. Kinsman**

**Prologue**

"My Lord, you must not go."

A pale, sallow faced man stared at the thin oval face of a young woman with wild black hair. Her dark eyes searched his frantically, and though she was afraid for him, he felt only annoyance at her begging.

"You far underestimate me." The man replied coldly, striding forward, looking out of the wide window onto the urban sprawl beneath it. There, in little houses and within apartment buildings, dwelt Muggles and Mudbloods and magical blood alike. As if they were all content being reduced to nothing more than pedigreed creatures mingling with the diseased and untouchables. The man's nose wrinkled in disgust. This journey, he knew, would help separate the pure-white sheep from the filthy goats.

"My Lord," the woman repeated, stepping towards him without fear, "Please. Let me accompany you."

"Do you think I am incapable of protecting myself?" the man growled, his once-handsome face dark with controlled anger. "Do you think that I require the aid of anyone else?"

The woman's eyes widened, and she shook her head frantically, her long, wild black hair bouncing like a lion's mane behind her. "Of course not, my Lord! I was only offering my services to you…"

She stared at him adoringly, her mouth opened in a small o, a display of her eagerness. The pale man knew that she was young, proud, full of energy, ready to demonstrate her abilities, but he had no need of them. Not for this.

"I have a different job for you, Bellatrix," the man said. "I need you to take Lestrange with you to the Giants. See if they have changed their minds at all."

"Of course my Lord," Bellatrix whispered, bowing, and then disappearing from the room with a sharp _crack_. Voldemort sighed. At last, he was alone. Finally, he could make his appeal to the wild creatures that skulked deep within the forest.

He was gone with a sound like thunder. A moment later, he walked underneath a black sky, into a canopy of thick trees, on the outskirts of a place that he had once called home. From this distance, before he was too deep into the reaches of the shadowed forest, he could see the castle, its hundreds of windows illuminated with tiny golden squares of light. He turned his back on Hogwarts and swept into the pine forest.

He knew there were giant spiders here. He had met creatures in here that only Newt Scamander had written about, creatures that were too horrible for so many ordinary wizards to handle encountering. Voldemort had dominated them all. Most had already agreed to join his cause.

But now, for these half-breeds…

He walked past the place where he knew the centaurs lived. They had already rejected his request for aid. Centaurs were dirty, half-human offspring of bestiality and filth. He would rather not have their disgusting lineage taint his forces, but their help was better than none.

It did not matter. They had already rejected him. And so they had rejected power and prestige.

Deeper into the forest Voldemort went, until the moon and stars were completely shut out by the thick tops of the pine trees. A faint white mist hung beneath the canopy, and the only sound was his muffled footsteps moving over the sun-deprived dirt. Dead leaves and pine needles crunched under his boots. His nose twitched at the sharp scent of dirt, sweat, and blood. He was not far from his quarry.

The ground dipped suddenly into a small ravine. The lip of the edge was steep, a sharp drop for unwary lost travelers in the Forbidden Forest. Voldemort knew this was how these creatures sometimes caught their prey. Like a spider's web, the prey would wander daftly into the net, falling into certain doom…

Voldemort descended lightly in the center of the ravine. Instantly, there were growls and snarls. From several holes in the sides of the ravine glowed pairs of eyes, mostly yellow, some red. Thirty very dirty, very angry wizards and witches burst from the dens, their yellowed teeth bared and their eyes narrowed in fury.

"Werewolves!" Voldemort announced. "Have you been reduced to living like your animalistic natures? Is this what the rest of the wizarding world has reduced you to?"

The werewolves paused, unsure of what to do. Voldemort continued.

"I offer you a chance of redemption. Of… revenge. Join forces with me, and you'll never go hungry again! Instead of being oppressed, _you _will dominate the lowly wizards and witches who have exiled you, just for being who you really are!

"Give me your allegiance, and all of you shall have your share of vengeance. All shall reap what they sow. All shall force those who had enslaved you to become slaves themselves, but with you as their masters!"

Silence met his words. Voldemort had not expected it to be easy, but he had hoped so, for time's sake. Looking around, he caught the eye of a wizard, who quickly looked away.

"Silus Ravens," Voldemort said slowly. "I never expected to see you here."

Silus pretended not to hear him.

"You were once a powerful, respected Auror." Voldemort reminded him. "And what did the Ministry do to you when they discovered your true nature?"

A muscle tightened in Ravens' jaw, but he did not speak.

"They threw you out!" Voldemort proclaimed to the crowd of listening werewolves. "All of you! They cast you aside like rubbish once they learned the truth about who you were. These "normal" wizards and witches are hateful, narrow-minded, and arrogant. They think that they can make the rules and cast out those who don't fit their mindset. Now is your chance to change your lives. Change the world with me." He gave a mirthless look at their caves. "Or continue to hide away in your holes in the dark like rats. Whatever pleases you."

More silence met his words. No growls. No snarls. No movement. Voldemort's hand closed more tightly around his yew wand. He could overpower these mongrels easily. But he wanted their allegiance. Their numbers and brute force were formidable, but he needed their burning bitterness and hatred most of all to win this war that he had waged against wizards and witches and those filthy Mudbloods and Muggles. The werewolves alone would not win the war, but their assistance would not go unnoticed by his forces.

Voldemort waited another minute for an answer, but none came. Then, out of the shadows, emerged a huge figure. He was tall, huge, and his blue eyes glinted in the dim light. He was a fierce looking man, and as he emerged into view, he picked his long yellow teeth. He could not have been more than twenty five years old, but already, his presence commanded respect from the other werewolves. Instinctively, Voldemort knew that this was the alpha. This was the one who would make the final decision.

"You offer us freedom." The werewolf growled.

Voldemort smiled slightly. "I offer you more than just that. I offer you a chance at a new world. A world that you can rule in."

"We aren't interested in ruling over anything." The werewolf growled, and this surprised Voldemort, though he did not let it show on his pale face. Instead, he waited in silence for the man to continue to speak.

"We want more." The huge werewolf went on, gesturing to his companions. "We need more of our own numbers. To ensure that we won't be wiped out by wizards."

"Why not breed?" Voldemort responded, and, predictably, drew several gasps and growls.

"Breeding is not enough." The werewolf snapped. "It is not fast enough. We must multiply by conversion."

"And how do you intend to do that?" Voldemort asked casually. "By attacking fully grown witches and wizards? Most of them can fight you off. The weaker ones…" He spread his arm out to indicate to the pack of werewolves, who glared balefully at the wizard.

The werewolf smirked. "By going for the children, of course."

Voldemort nodded, stroking his chin. "I see… You are cunning, Greyback." He rolled the hard wand between his long fingers. "You could have all the children you want if you join me. You can even have your revenge on these people for doing what they have done to you. Take their children. Convert them. Create more of your kind."

Greyback's mouth pulled back in an ugly smile to reveal his repulsive teeth, more beastlike than human. "Dark Lord," he said in a rasping, wolfish tone, "You have a deal."


	2. Chapter One: Supplies

**Chapter One**

I was already too late.

The clock on the wall, which was an intricately carved wooden nest-like thing, ticked quietly for a few seconds. And then, bursting from the top window, a tiny cuckoo bird screeched, "LATE! AMBER IS LATE! LATE LATE LATE!"  
>"Amber Harkstone!" My mother shouted, and I heard footsteps thundering from the other room. Seconds later, she appeared, huffing, her face red as she dabbed on the final touches of her makeup. Her pale blue eyes were like icy fire. "You were supposed to be ready to leave ten minutes ago! If we don't go shopping, you are not going to school this year!"<p>

My two sisters, Virginia and Naomi, peered out from behind my mother's long blue skirt. Both were wide-eyed and nervous; it was extremely unwise to cross Mum, especially when there was a deadline involved.

"_Where _is your father?" She sighed exasperatedly, just as the tiny yellow cuckoo burst out of its nest for the second time and screamed in a high pitched mimic of my mother's voice, "Walter is late! Walter is late!"

"Mummy," Virginia piped up, the middle child, also Mum's favorite daughter, "Daddy said he was out tending to the animals. He said we should leave if we won't have enough time to wait."

"Oh, for heaven's sake," Mum snapped. "Amber, get yourself to the Portkey _now._ Girls, either you follow your sister, or you'll be left behind, too."

Naomi, a small girl of only six, rushed outside to the front yard, where a lamppost stood, its lamp glowing, even now in the morning light. It was nearly quarter of eleven according to the frenzied cuckoo clock, and it was still having a fit, unable to rest until everyone had resumed their schedules.

Ten chickens wandered around the yard, clucking as they pecked repetitively at the dirt, scrounging for bugs or worms. A single rooster, black as pitch, stood guard of his harem while they went about their foraging. Even from this distance, I could see our two horses grazing in our field, a quarter mile away, their long tails swishing at pesky flies. A small black goat in between them ate lazily, her tiny tail stub flicking. A black-and-white sheep dog kept a close eye the entire farm. One ear was flopped over while the other stood straight up. When he saw Naomi sprint for the Portkey, he barked once, a warning to slow down.

I glanced back at the house as I heard the distant cry of the cuckoo bird. I had never been to Diagon Alley before. And I had never left home before, either. After the shopping trip, it was straight off to the train for school. I had spent the night at Grandma's plenty of times, but for never more than a week. This… I would not see this patch of land for three months. And by the time I came back, late summer would have turned into winter. I wouldn't see autumn here again. The gorgeous camouflage of fire-colored leaves would be barren by the time I returned. And something inside me began to hurt.

I squashed the thought quickly, but not fast enough, because hot tears sprang to my eyes. I blinked them back and tried to remember what this place, home, looked like. A sunny yellow bungalow where I had grown up in sat in a grassy clearing, surrounded by tall trees of a forest behind the house and bordered by a fence on all other sides. The small red barn where our animals slept stood not far away, empty at the time, but soon to be reoccupied once the sun went down and the air became cold and chilly. The white picket fence that enclosed our property also created a boundary with our neighbors; the village of Bellinghall only had a few hundred occupants, most of whom lived outside of the village square. Bellinghall was a small community, with only a church, post office, pub, boutique, ice cream shop, and library. My family happened to be sandwiched between the library and our neighbors, the Northby's. The library was on the edge of the village, and after that, sprawled fields of green grass, endless until they reached the edges of towering green and purple mountains. It was one of the breathtaking views in Scotland's highlands, a view that would not be much different from the school I would be attending.

I could hear the cuckoo screaming at my mother this time, instead of my sisters. I pulled out a roll of parchment, where, written in neat black calligraphy, was my acceptance letter to my new school.

HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY

Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore

Dear Miss Harkstone,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on 1 September, 1971. We await your owl no later than 31 July, 1971.

Yours Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

Hands shaking, I rolled the letter up once again and glanced at the sky. Three geese flew together in a tiny V-formation. I wondered if at Hogwarts, I would learn to fly. I thought about what House I would be placed in, if they would let me choose for myself. I was torn between Gryffindor, home of the brave, and Ravenclaw, the home of the wise. Why couldn't I be both? What would my parents, both Hufflepuffs, have to say if they knew I wanted nothing to do with their own House?

I could hear my mother coming because the cuckoo bird had finally shut up. Brushing her brown braid out of her face, she stormed outside, her blue skirts flying in her haste. My two sisters flanked her like the two geese had flanked the leader. "Where is your father?" She demanded as she stepped treacherously close to the Portkey.

I shrugged, still searching the property for a sign of him. When he didn't appear in under five seconds, Mum swore and gripped the small hands of my little sisters. "Well, he's going to miss shopping."

_Can't imagine he'll miss _that _too much_, I thought mutinously as Virginia, my towhead sister, ten years old, took my hand sheepishly. Mum reached out for the lamppost. "Don't let go, girls," she said sternly, "Or else you'll be very seriously injured."

"Why, Mummy?" Naomi piped up, a little copy of Mum except for her green eyes, Dad's eyes.

"Never mind, Naomi." Mum sighed. "Just don't let go."

Virginia squeezed my hand tighter, smiling up at me. I grinned back. She was as excited as I was to be off to Diagon Alley. In only one year, Virginia would be off to Hogwarts as well.

"Ready? Three… two… one… now!" All of us stepped forward as Mum touched the Portkey. In an instant, we were being flung into the air, spun around tighter than the fastest carousel, pinned by the intense g-force…

"Let go!" Mum shouted after ten seconds of the dizzying ordeal, and obediently, we released our grip on the lamppost. Our feet touched solid ground again, and it was no longer grass and trees surrounded us, but cobblestones roads and brick buildings.

"We're here." Mum sighed. "Diagon Alley. Stay close, girls. Naomi and Virginia, don't let go."

"What about Amber, Mummy?" Asked Naomi, who was just as vocal as our cuckoo bird.

Mum rolled her eyes. "She's about to head off to school, Naomi. She is old enough to walk by herself."

Sharing a private smile with Virginia at Mum's exasperation, we walked down the crowded street. I remained in my Muggle clothes, and was aware of how painfully I stood out from these magical folk, who wore long, flowing cloaks and capes that billowed like black clouds with each step. Naomi watched it all with rapt attentiveness, but Virginia shrank close to Mum's side, afraid. She had always been shyer and more skittish than Naomi, even though she was ten years old, four years older than brave Naomi.

"Is Daddy going to join us?" Naomi asked Mum as we ducked into a store. Books were stacked, crammed, and placed precariously around the shop. Naomi ogled a fat book with pictures of wizards waving wands; Virginia stayed close to Mum's side.

"Here's your list of books," Mum said, handing me a piece of parchment.

The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1) by Miranda Goshawk

A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot

Magical Theory by Adalbert Waffling

A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration by Emeric Switch

One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi by Phyllida Spore

Magical Drafts and Potions by Arsenius Jigger

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander

The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection by Quentin Trimble

"That's a lot of books," I muttered, searching for a librarian while Mum and Virginia wandered off to the back of the store. "I guess I'll get them myself," I said to no one in particular.

At least Dad would have helped me.

Fifteen minutes later, I hefted the load of books over to the counter. The bookseller was still busy with other customers, most of them in flowing black robes, many of them children like me, chattering away and each clamoring for the attention of the sole employee. I sighed. I glanced around again furtively, hoping that a cashier would magically appear.

Ten more minutes passed. Finally, I reached into my cloak and counted out the sum of the books. I left the money next to the register and picked up my books again. My arms were already aching in pain by the time I discovered Mummy and Virginia, sitting in the back of the store where all of the children's books were. Annoyance rose like a hot cloud; I swallowed it down and cleared my throat.

Mum glanced up, half-smiling. "I was wondering where you'd gone off to."

I forced myself to keep a straight face and not to roll my eyes. "I had to buy my books, Mum. For school."

"Right." She checked her pocketwatch. "Bloody hell! Your father _still _isn't here." She stuffed more Galleons into my purse. "Go on and get yourself a wand. Don't forget the rest of your items on the list."

I looked at Virginia, who sat contentedly on the floor, a picture book opened in her lap. They moved, smiling and waving, a moving story. There were little people and littler animals. Obviously, she'd pick a farm story.

"You and Virginia aren't coming?" I asked, wanting to share this moment with them, wanting Virginia to get experience in what she would be doing a year from now when she received a letter from Hogwarts herself.

Mum sighed. "She's enjoying her reading, Amber. She hasn't been feeling well." She searched the sea of faces for my youngest sister's. "Naomi!" She commanded. "Come here."

Sheepishly, Naomi put down a small book and came over. Naomi was only six, but she was already reading chapter books. Virginia, at ten, still read only picture books.

Curbing my thoughts away from Mum's parental efforts, I forced a second smile and took Naomi's hand. "Come on. Let's go finish shopping." I guessed we only had another hour before Mum would want to leave. But knowing her, she'd stay for however long Virginia wanted to.

"Leave your books with me." Mum said vaguely, as if the thought had just occurred to her. "You don't need to be lugging them around."

"Yes, Mum," I said, but I knew she was already focusing back on Virginia. Sighing, I led Naomi away from the stifling crowd of students and parents and back onto the cobblestone streets of Diagon Alley.

"Why doesn't she ever pay attention to us?" Naomi asked quietly as we walked from the book shop to a clothing outlet called _Madame Malkin's._

I squeezed her tiny hand. "She's just protective of Virginia." _And babying her to death._

Naomi frowned. "Why?"

Memories swam before my eyes, but instead of telling Naomi, I led her into the clothing store. "I'll tell you when you're older."

"How much older?" Naomi persisted as I walked up the owner of the shop. She fell silent as I asked, "Excuse me, ma'am?"  
>A witch with necklaces of measuring tape turned, beaming. "Why, you must be a first year! Still in your Muggle clothes, too." She giggled. "We'll have to remedy that."<p>

Naomi tugged her hand out of mine and began walking down the aisles by herself, admiring the robes and dresses. Independent Naomi, ever curious and wanting to learn. "She'll be alright," I told the witch. "She's just exploring."

"She seems bright," the witch remarked. "My name is Madame Malkins. And you are?"

I held out my hand. "Amber Harkstone."

She shook it. "My my. You have a grip like a prizefighter."

Heat rose to my face. "Sorry. I live on a farm. I have to help out with the chores a lot." The moment the words came out, I feel even more foolish. Blushing, I looked around the store awkwardly. "So, can you help me with my list?"

"Absolutely, dear." Madame Malkins said, not even glancing at the parchment list I clutched in my hands. "If you're a first year, you'll need three sets of plain black work robes, a black pointed hat, dragon hide gloves, and a black winter coat. Silver fastenings." She swept down the aisles, stopping every few feet to sift through racks of black robes. I noticed that was the only color for school clothes. I felt a stab of misgiving. Black was such a depressing color. I preferred blues, reds, whites, colors that glowed with life.

"Let's try one on, just to make sure it's the right fit." Madame Malkins led the way to a long mirror and waved a brown wand. A robe floated above, as if an invisible person flew high in the air.

I shuddered. "It looks like a lethifold."

Madame Malkins' arches raised. "You've seen one, child?"

I shook my head, unable to take my eyes off of it. "No, thankfully, but I've read about them."

She smiled. "You are strong, but yet, also, smart. You'll likely be a Ravenclaw. Or a Gryffindor." She frowned. "In fact, you'd be very suited to both. I was a Hufflepuff, myself."

I nodded, listening, watching as the robe magically descended upon me and engulfed my body. An instant later my head popped out, along with my arms. The hem brushed against my shoes, hiding them completely.

Madame Malkins clucked her tongue, circling me like a lion prowling around its prey. She wrapped her measuring tapes around my waist, chest, arms, and finally, measured from my feet to my head. She nodded approvingly.

"If you take good care of these, I can lengthen them next year." She smiled. "I think you'll be around 5'6 when you're fully grown."

Embarrassed, I didn't know what to say. So instead I called for my sister. "Naomi! We're ready to purchase my clothes."

"You have so many things here!" She exclaimed as Madame Malkins neatly folded my new clothes and placed them in a brown paper handlebag. "Do you make wedding dresses?"

"Of course." Madame Malkins beamed. "I make tuxedos, dresses, outfits for any occasion! And when might you be going off to Hogwarts?"

Naomi, delighted to be the center of attention for once, puffed out her chest and raised her chin a notch. "I'm going to be getting my letter when I'm eleven! That's a whole six years away, but at least I'll be able to be a first year when Amber is a seventh year! I bet she'll be Head Girl and be at the top of her class and win the House Cup each year!"

"Naomi," I chided gently. "No more pumpkin juice for you in the mornings."

"What a brilliant young girl!" Madame Malkins praised, amused. "That'll be seventy Galleons, dear."

I grimaced and handed over the payment. Mum and Dad were not wealthy and were very frugal. I'd been surprised I was able to attend Hogwarts at all, let alone afford the supplies.

"Have a nice day," I bade Madame Malkins, and had to drag a chattering Naomi away from out the door. She would have spouted facts all day to the poor woman all day if I hadn't.

"She was really nice!" Naomi gushed as we walked into the next store. We emerged with a cauldron, crystal phials, a telescope, and brass scales. Naomi stared at the amount of items in disbelief. "That's so much stuff, Amber!"

"Mum warned me to bring a suitcase." I muttered, feeling stupid for not heeding her advice. More than likely, she was still stationed by Virginia's side in the children's section of the bookstore. Naomi and I struggled to carry my school supplies. Sweat dripped down between my shoulder blades under the weight of the cauldron, filled with the other potion-making equipment. Naomi gripped the handle of the clothes bag with both hands.

"I wish Dad were here to help," she moaned.

"Well, he's not," I said through gritted teeth. "We just have to do it on our own. Besides, it's not so bad."

Naomi looked ready to kill our parents.

"Come on," I said quickly, wanting to deter her from her anger. "Let's go and get my wand."

Naomi's face lit up with excitement. My stomach tightened with butterflies as I realized that I was finally going to have my very own wand. My right arm tingled. A wand! My own wand!

I would finally be able to do magic. _Real _magic!  
>"You're so lucky, Amber!" Naomi moaned, following me into Ollivander's, a small store with a large window in front displaying several wands out front.<p>

"How do you know where all these shops are?" Naomi asked as we crossed the threshold.

I hid a smile. "By reading the signs, Ny."

"Oh." She shrugged and placed the bag of clothes on the ground heavily. She waved at her face as I set down the cauldron beside it. "I'm so tired. I love this place, but I wish Mum was here to help."

Giving her a sympathetic look, I approached the counter. A wizened man with a single tuft of snowy hair walked out from the depths of the store. His eyes were large, surveying the room like an owl watching for a scurrying mouse. Still, he wasn't frightening. Rather, he reminded me of my grandfather, who had a hobby for collecting chess pieces.

"Ah," the man said, his voice raspy with age. "You must be a Harkstone."

Naomi and I exchanged a surprised look.

"Don't look so bewildered," he laughed. "I remember selling your parents their first wands. Twenty-five years it's been! The days are slow, but the years are fast. Yes, I remember. Walter had a hawthorne wand, unicorn tail hair core, eleven inches. Very capable." His eyes clouded for a moment. "And Lena. Maple, with another unicorn tail hair core. Eight and three quarters inches. A little fragile, but good for charms." He brightened. "So, young witch, what will yours be, I wonder? Likely another unicorn tail hair core. It tends to run in families."

Naomi and I exchanged another look.

"And who might you be?" The man said, fixing his large blue eyes on my sister.

Naomi lifted her chin, undaunted. "Naomi Harkstone. I'm six."

He laughed good-naturedly. "I am Ollivander. I was six years old a long time ago too." He disappeared into the back again.

"I think he's weird." Naomi whispered fiercely.

I winked. "I don't think he gets out much."

Ollivander returned a moment later, holding four long black boxes. So much black. It was as if we were in a funeral home rather than in Diagon Alley.

"Try one." Ollivander encouraged.

Excitement burst inside of me. It was time to get a wand! I couldn't believe it. After eleven years, I was finally going to have my own.

Hands shaking, I reached for the box nearest me and opened it up. "Cherry, unicorn tail hair core, eight inches." Ollivander whispered. "Give it a good wave, girl."

I obeyed.

The chandelier above our heads exploded. Shards of glass rained down, pelting our heads.

"Definitely not!" Ollivander croaked, his eyes huge. He studied me carefully. "Try another one."

He waved his own wand, and the glass instantly reassembled and returned to the chandelier. Naomi watched me with eyes the size of dinner plates, her face ashen.

Nervous, I reached for the second closest box. I wasn't sure what to expect with this one. More exploding glass? I shut my eyes and gave it a flick.

There was a sound like a blanket being shaken out, and the room turned black, as if the light had been sucked out by total darkness. Naomi shrieked.

"Not that one either!" Ollivander shouted. "_Lumos!" _His wand tip lighted, and he waved his wand a second time. The darkness fled, the light restored. I set the wand down quickly and stared at the remaining two boxes.

Ollivander noticed me looking and quickly withdrew them. "I don't think you're going to be having a wand with a unicorn tail hair core." He said quickly, disappearing around the back.

"Do you think we should leave?" Naomi asked fearfully. "That was really scary, Amber."

I took several deep breathes to try and ease my racing heart. "It's fine, Naomi. This is what happens when you buy a wand. It has to choose you. If it doesn't…" I gestured to the chandelier. "It rejects you."

She nodded silently. Ollivander returned with two new boxes. "Dragon heartstring." He proclaimed. "They are the most powerful wands, capable of flamboyant spells. They learn quick, as do you." He nudged a box forward when I didn't reach for one. "Go on, give it another try. We'll find one for you eventually."

The first dragon heartstring wand simply wouldn't cast any magic. Faint red sparks fizzled at the end, and quickly died. Ollivander took it back and handed me the next box. The second dragon heartstring wand made my arm ache and caused the front window to shatter. Mortified, I hastily put the fourth wand back. Ollivander restored the window, but not before seeing my expression.

"Sometimes it takes time to find the right one." He said encouragingly. "Trust me, I've seen worse."  
>"I doubt that." I said wearily, already resigning myself to the fact that I would probably not receive a wand. For a moment, I wondered if wizards could be capable of magic, but incapable of using wands to direct it. Would that make me a Squib? Or a pseudo-Squib?<p>

Did that make me a witch at all?

As if he could read my thoughts, Ollivander reclaimed the boxes and fixed me with a stare. "I think I know the problem."

Despair pooled cold in my stomach. "Is it me?"

Ollivander shook his head. "Of course not. I know a capable wizard or witch when I see one." He smiled gently. "No, dear, your problem is that I have been giving you the wrong wands. We just need to find the correct one."

He came back with two final boxes. "This time, I want you to choose. I can't make the choice for you."

Our eyes connected, and I wondered what masked emotion I saw in his expression. Fear? Pity? Revulsion? Indifference? Swallowing against my racing heartbeat, pulsing hard in my throat, I reached for a box, and then stopped. I looked to the corner of the front room, oddly drawn. I walked away from the two boxes on the counter and approached a shelf crammed with thin boxes. For the first time, I noticed that only most of them were black. Some were brown. Fewer were red.

I selected a red box, carefully opening it. A dark brown wand, with a slight hint of auburn, rested in the white folds. My heart pounded faster, a war drum in my ears. I reached a trembling hand into the box, my fingers closing around the hard wood. My arm tingled, but not with pain. It felt like elated bubbles, popping on my skin lightly. It felt good. It felt right.

This time when I waved the wand, it didn't cause anything to explode or shatter. It didn't steal the light. Instead, the red box that had held it rose into the air, levitating, and floated towards me.

Heart pounding, I looked at Ollivander. He was grinning widely. "I should have known."

I felt a flicker of panic. "Known what?" Was there something wrong with this particular wand? Was I cursed? Was I not supposed to select my own wand? I kept my mouth shut, afraid to give breath to these fears.

Ollivander beckoned that I come back to the counter. I held the box and the wand in each hand, feeling as if I'd swallowed lightning.

"You are a very bright witch, Amber Harkstone. Humble, too, because you are blushing and won't meet my gaze."

Both statements were true.

"Additionally," Ollivander went on, "you chose your own wand. I should say, the wand chose _you. _And in this case, the wand that chose you is…" He carefully extracted the wand from my hand. It felt empty without the wand, as if I was missing a new extension of my myself.

He examined it. "Ah, yes. Ash. Hard. Phoenix feather core. Ten and ¾ inches. These kinds of wands are especially difficult to tame, and sometimes have a mind of their own. They also cling extremely tightly to their original owners, and should not be gifted or passed down. In your case, thankfully, you are the first owner." He smiled as he handed me back my wand. _My wand! _I felt a strong thrill of ecstasy. I was a real witch after all!

"Good luck with your new wand, Miss Harkstone. It will be very interesting to see what kinds of magic you are good in." He handed Naomi a red lollipop. "And _you_, little one; I'll see you again in five years when you receive _your _first wand."

Naomi's face lit up. It was as if she was promised Christmas was the very next day, instead of three months away.

"That will be fifteen Galleons," Ollivander went on, and I paid him with the last of my Galleons. Naomi and I turned and looked despairingly at the heavy merchandise that we needed to lug all the way back to Mum.

"Oh, and one more thing." Ollivander flicked his wand once. "Try picking them up now."

Naomi and I did as told.

"They're as light as feathers!" Naomi cried.

Ollivander nodded brightly. I smiled at him. He was an oddball, but a sincere, dear old man.

"Thank you for the wand, sir," I said, waving as I tucked the cauldron one-armed into the crook of my elbow. Naomi looked at the endless stacks of wand boxes excitedly. Someday, she'd be able to have her own, too. I felt excited for her, but nowhere near as excited as I felt about having my own. I squeezed my hand around it again. It fit perfectly in my palm. It was as if I had waited my entire life for this part of myself, and it was finally whole.

"That was so cool!" Naomi burst as we walked back to the book store. "I can't believe you got a wand, Amber! I mean, it was scary at first, when you did all that crazy stuff, but when you got the right one…!" She trailed off. She bent down to pick up a stick lying near the edge of a building and waved it, pretending to cast magic.

I laughed. "It wasn't me who made those things happen, you imp. It was the wands." _And now my own wand will do what I want it to do. _I felt power thrill up and down my right arm again. Would I ever get used to this new feeling of delight?

We reentered the book store and walked down the aisle to the back of the store. Mum and Virginia were nowhere to be found. The stack of books were gone, too.

The delight was slowly being replaced by a rising tide of frustration. "I hope she was the one who took my books." I would be furious if the clerk reshelved the already-purchased books. The clerk was still serving other customers. It looked like she'd be busy all day.

"Where's Mum?" Naomi asked as I stood still, biting my lip. Inside, I was fuming. It was just like Mum to leave, even when she hadn't told us where she'd be going.

"Come along, Naomi." I instructed. "We'll find her."

She fell into step beside me. I approached the clerk this time, slipping my way between a thick throng of customers, who gave me annoyed looks. I ignored them. The harried clerk was speaking to a redheaded witch, who had twin first-years anchored to her side, one near each hip. "Yes, I understand you don't offer discounts, but I'm trying to save some money here, and I've got _twins. _That's two sets of beginner books. Can't I at least get a _small _discount?"

The witch tried again and again to haggle, but the clerk continued to shake his head. Finally, after two minutes of pointless bargaining, I interjected, "Excuse me, but I seemed to have lost my mother."

The witch closed her mouth instantly, her eyes widening in shock. The clerk swung his head over, beady little eyes bright. "What?"

"My mother." I repeated. "Ours." I put an arm around Naomi's back. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her pouting her lower lip and summoning fake tears. It was a gift, being the youngest of three, to be able to summon crocodile tears on cue. "Please, sir, have you seen a witch with long braided brown hair and blue eyes? And a girl, with blonde hair, and blue eyes? They were in the children's section for awhile."

"Just a moment," the clerk said, distracted by the volume of customers he still had. "I'll be with you shortly."

Knowing it was just a ploy to stall, I shook my head. "Please, sir. My sister, she needs our mother. Desperately." _How true that was. _Taking the hint, Naomi burst into tears. Loud, heartbreaking sobs of a lost child. "I need my Mummy!" Naomi wailed. "Mummy! Where are you? MUMMY!"

I hid a smile. Naomi was smart. Too smart. She would almost certainly be sorted into Gryffindor someday for her nerve and willpower.

The redheaded witch looked outraged. "Can't you see this poor thing is lost? Help these girls find their mother!"

Other customers looked uncomfortable or determined to see help found for poor little Naomi and I. I gave the clerk my best sorrowful face. "Please, sir. She's only six."

He let out a gusty sigh, raking a hand through his thinning hair. "Alright, alright! I think I remember seeing a pair like that leave earlier. About twenty five minutes ago. They went towards Gringott's. But I didn't see them after that."

I nodded at him in thanks. "Come on, Ny," I said soothingly. "We'll find Mummy."

She sniffled, rubbing her eyes, hiccupping. "I want Mummy. Please. I need her!"

The little actress gave a stunning impression of Virginia.

"We'll go." I took her hand. "Come on now." I could feel the eyes of every customer on us as we departed the store. Once we were far away, Naomi wiped her tears for the last time and smiled brightly at me. "How did I do?"

"You could win a Jolie Award." I said seriously. "That was spot on, Naomi."

She grinned, basking under the praise. We walked in the direction of Gringotts, but Naomi stopped suddenly just before we reached the great white building. "Look! There they are!"

I followed her pointed hand, and felt a heave of rage. There they sat, at a red café, outside on the stone patio, eating sandwiches on a black wicker table. They seemed deep in conversation. My stack of books sat next to Mum's chair, knocked over and spilling onto the ground. With a shock of fury, I saw that at least two of the books were splayed on, their spines heaved up, cast aside like they were worthless.

"Mum!" I snapped, dragging Naomi with me. She let go of my hand, folding her little arms across her chest and fixing the two with her darkest glare. Mum looked up, seemingly annoyed. "What took you two so long?"

I struggled to keep my anger in check. Virginia watched us with fearful eyes. "We had to buy supplies, remember? That's the whole point of why we're here." I went over angrily and picked up my books. A fresh wave of rage washed over me when I noticed that several of the brand-new books had their pages pressed in odd ways from being kept on the ground. I looked away pointedly from Mum's face, afraid that if I looked, I'd lose control.

"Honestly, Amber, I don't see why you are so upset." Mum took another bite of her sandwich. My stomach growled. I was sure Naomi, the little weed growing in another spurt, was ravenous. "Your sister needs to eat. She has to keep her strength up."

Virginia gave me a sheepish look, ducking her head. She looked embarrassed. Mum looked haughty, almost as if she thought we had some nerve calling her out.

But I wasn't daunted. Flaring my nostrils, I tucked my books under the other arm. "You can't just leave a store without letting us know beforehand, Mum. Naomi and I didn't know where you'd gone."

She waved a hand indifferently. "You know that your sister's needs come first. She needs special care, Amber and Naomi." She was speaking to both of us now, lecturing us like we didn't already understand. "Your sister is weak and tiny and fragile and needs me. You two can handle yourselves."

Virginia looked more ashamed than ever. She hung her head, not even touching her half-eaten sandwich.

Mum was fanning the flames of my anger, but I didn't want to lose control. Not now. Not right before I left for school. Steeling myself, I gripped my new wand harder. "I used up all of the money. We don't have enough to buy lunch."

Mum rolled her eyes. "Come here and eat, Naomi. Have the rest of my sandwich." She gave me a cursory look. "Do you want to order something to eat?"

I shook my head. "I lost my appetite."

Mum spoke to Naomi and Virginia, while I reluctantly took a seat at the table, joining them. This time, I carefully arranged my supplies on the ground, so they stayed organized and neat. While Naomi told Mum about our adventures, she and Virginia listened. I stared at my new wand in my hand, waving it around casually, imagining the plate transforming into a tortoise. I wondered what kind of magic this wand was capable of. I wondered what kind of magic _I _was capable of.

"Amber!" Mum's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "You did get a wand! What kind is it?"

Something about the way she reacted grated on my nerves. _You did get a wand? _Did she think I wasn't going to get one?

Biting my tongue, I set my hand down over my wand. "Yes, I did. It's ash."

"She has a phoenix feather core!" Naomi blurted enthusiastically. "It's so cool, Mum! Ollivander said it was really rare and powerful!"

Mum was watching me with a guarded look. "They are. But everyone in our family has unicorn tail hairs."

At that remark, the last little spark of joy I had over receiving my wand flickered and died. Sour, I fixed Mum with a withering look. "Maybe I'm not really a part of this family."

Virginia gasped. Naomi looked horrified. Mum looked angry. "Now, Amber, really. That's preposterous. You're a part of this family. You're just… different."

"Not different." Naomi piped up. "You're special."

"Thanks." I muttered darkly, not comforted by either of them.

Mum smiled adoringly at Virginia. "When you get your wand next year, I'll be sure to be right there by your side. And I'm sure you'll get a nice unicorn tail hair. They have the least fluctuations and they're the least likely to turn to the Dark Arts."

Furious, I stood and scraped my chair back. My mother had single-handedly ruined my entire day. "I'm going for a walk." I announced coldly. "And then I'll go home."

Mum rolled her eyes. "Don't be such a drama queen, Amber. I didn't mean anything bad about your wand. It's only that, well…" She lowered her voice to barely over a whisper. "The Dark Lord has a phoenix feather wand core, too."

My final threadlike hold on restraint snapped. "So, you're insinuating that I'll turn bad and join You-Know-Who's forces, just because of my wand?" I was so angry I was shaking. Little red sparks spewed from my wand tip, hot like cinders.

"Amber!" Mum chided. "Keep your voice down!"

People were looking over, but I was so mad that I didn't care. "Pardon me while I go and get a Dark Mark, because then, maybe, I can do what you expect me to do!" I snatched up my supplies and stomped away, feeling the stares of many eyes on my back as I left my family behind.

I was seeing red. _My mother is impossible_! She treated everyone besides my angelic sister like they were jokes. On one of the most important days of my life, she was hardly there and then mocked me for my magical skill!

Angry tears welled up. No wonder Dad hadn't wanted to come. Of course he'd known today would be a disaster. Of course he'd known Mum would do this. But how could he not want to be apart of this? How could Dad, strong, proud dad, not want to help sort out the mess that was becoming our family?

I fixed my eyes on the lamppost in the middle of Diagon Alley. I walked past the pet shop, furious that I wasn't able to spend any more money to buy a pet. The letter said I could have one. A toad, cat, or a bat. But what I really wanted was an owl, something with wings, someone who was free to take to the skies whenever she wanted.

I closed my eyes. I knew Mum wouldn't give me any more money, because Virginia needed it. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all.

I knew I wasn't supposed to do magic outside of school, but dang it, I was eleven years old. I had a wand! I could do magic now, even outside of school.

I grabbed the lamppost and thought of the farm. The Portkey sucked me inside, leaving nothing behind.

I was sure Mum wouldn't miss me, even if I was under the Imperius Curse and ended up serving You-Know-Who. She probably wouldn't even miss me if I died. And I had a depressing feeling that I was right. At least, tomorrow, I started my first day at Hogwarts.


	3. Chapter Two: Departure

**Chapter Two**

It was late when Dad finally came home. He had left a note for me in the kitchen upon my arrival. He had explained that he had been called into work at the Ministry of Magic and would not return until after dark. It had been up to me to care for the animals, and so I had. The horses had been groomed, the eggs collected from the chicken nests, the cat brushed. All had been fed, even Romulus, our faithful sheep dog, who ate his bowl of kibble happily while I sat on the porch and flipped through my new textbooks. I practiced flipping the pages by using my wand instead of my hand. Mum and my sisters returned close to four, arms full of shopping bags. Clearly, the three had gone shopping without me.

Virginia and Naomi were long-asleep when Dad arrived by Floo network. I could hear him cough and putter around the living room, wiping his feet on the welcome mat in front of the hearth. Mum was in her room, probably knitting or reading, and undoubtedly keeping both ears open for Virginia.

Dad finally shuffled into the porch, rubbing his eyes. I glanced up from my opened _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_, the pages illuminated by the light of the lamp by my shoulder.

"Did you get your wand?" He asked, his voice tired. I felt pity for Dad. He worked so hard to provide for us. It was hard enough that Mum had quit her job at the Ministry in order to take care of Virginia; now the full weight of financial responsibility rested on Dad's shoulders.

"I did." I tried being nice to Dad, because even though we had never been close, he had always watched out for me and had my back. Dad didn't say much, but I knew he loved me. I held out my new wand, which I had hardly not held since Ollivander's, for him to see.

Dad came closer and leaned down to examine it. His tired face brightened. "My eldest child, already getting her first wand." He sighed. "Where does the time go?"

I smiled up at him. "What do you mean, Dad?"

He touched my shoulder softly. "I feel like it was only five minutes ago that you were on my shoulders, watching the match between the Holyhead Harpies and the Montrose Magpipes." He sighed again. "Then I blinked."

I remembered that tonight was my last night here, and that until Christmas, Hogwarts would be my new home. My throat tightened. "I'm going to miss you, Dad."

He gave me a brief hug. His golden stubble scratched my face. He smelled like fatigue, peppermint, and faintly of smoke. He smiled, the lines around his eyes crinkling. His golden hair didn't have any gray in it, though I was sure his soul carried age marks. "I love you, sweetheart. You'll be just fine."

Heart in my throat, I bit my lip, not wanting to cry in front of him. Dad patted my shoulder and began to walk away.

"Dad," I managed, my voice thick, "Mum…" I didn't want to cause more trouble between them. So I tried again. "I didn't have enough money for everything on my list."

Even though his back was to me, I could tell what this information cost Dad. He rubbed his back with one arm, seeming to deflate a little. "What are you missing?" He asked quietly.

I wanted to hang my head in shame. It wasn't Dad's fault that we didn't have enough money! "It was just one thing. It's stupid, really."

"Tell me, Amber."

I hesitated, then said, "I didn't get a pet."

Dad turned, half-smiling. "I thought you were going to say you didn't have enough for clothes or something."

I shrugged, already wishing I hadn't told him. He had enough on his overloaded plate already. "It's just something. I guess I always wanted a bit of the farm to take with me. And I know that Jewels doesn't want to leave her mice and hay for a dorm."

Dad nodded. "I'm sorry, honey. We'll have enough next year."

I gave him another smile. "Thanks, Dad. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Amber." He disappeared into the dark kitchen. I heard him climb the creaky stairs. I wondered what Mum and him would talk about. If he would be able to see me off to school tomorrow.

Hugging my knees to my chest, I tried to remind myself of what a great school Hogwarts was. Out of all the places, Hogwarts had chosen _me_. I still couldn't wrap my mind around the fact. Both of my parents had gone, but that was before money had become an issue. I wondered how we would ever afford for me to go another year, let alone send Virginia, if Mum would even let her go in the first place.

Sighing, I took my mind off of the distracting thoughts by reading more of what Newt Scamander had written about his travels and the creatures he had discovered. I read again about lethifolds and thought of my new robes, waiting to be put on. I read about werewolves and basilisks, flobberworms and threstrals. I fell asleep reading about dragons and all of their different subspecies.

A rooster crowed at daybreak, bringing me out of my troubled sleep. I could smell coffee brewing. Mum or Dad must have already woken up. I rose from the daybed, stretching my sore muscles. I hadn't slept as well as I wanted to. My sleep had been patchy at best. I had kept waking up, worried I had missed the train for Hogwarts.

Light footsteps approached. I braced myself for Mum's arrival. Instead, a pixie-like girl entered, timid and unsure. She sat down on the bed, still in her nightgown, her cornsilk-blonde hair loose and tumbling down her back.

"Virginia?" I said, yawning, rubbing the grit from my eyes.

"Hey, Amber." Her voice was wispy, thin. She coughed and glanced at me. "I'm sorry about yesterday. About Mum."

I looked toward the kitchen. "Isn't she awake?"

Virginia shook her head. "Dad's up. He's outside with the animals."

"What time is it?" I wondered, wishing my eyes would stop feeling so heavy.

"It's still early, don't worry." Virginia pleated the hem of her white shirt. She had Mum's eyes exactly, sky-blue and empty. She cleared her throat. "I'm really happy for you, Amber. And I think it's really cool that you have a phoenix feather wand." She ducked her head. "Naomi thinks I'm a Squib."

I frowned at my frail sister. "You are not, Virginia. You're just sick."

She coughed again, and I could hear a rattling noise in her chest. "Do you want me to get Mum?" I asked, concerned.

Virginia shook her head vehemently. "Mum needs to sleep, too." She looked so tired. Even at ten years old. She looked more tired than Dad. "I just wanted to be able to be with you before you went away."

Well, at least she was apologizing. I had never held any anger toward Virginia, only at Mum. And even then, I wasn't sure it _was _anger. What was it, then?

"Naomi thinks you'll be in Gryffindor." Virginia went on, her voice getting steadier. "I think you'll be in Ravenclaw."

"You'll be in Hufflepuff, I bet." I remarked. "Just like everyone else in the family. Oh, and don't forget your unicorn tail hair wand." I mimicked Mum's voice.

A bubble of laughter escaped from Virginia's lungs. "I think a dragon heartstring would be cool. They're so powerful."

I smiled at her. "Here, try this." I handed her my new wand, still shiny from its polish. "Just be careful."

Virginia's eyes widened. Her lips parted. "Are you sure, Amber? I could get in trouble."

I waved off her concerns. "Just try it. It's not going to kill you."

Smiling, Virginia gave a tentative flick. "Give it a little more." I encouraged, and Virginia swung the wand upward. Something upstairs made a loud _bang! _Virginia's blue eyes rounded to the size of full moons and she immediately handed me back my wand.

"_Amber!_" Mum yelled. "No magic outside of school!"

Virginia and I exchanged a look and burst into laughter.

"Come on," I said, pulling her cold hand into mine, "Let's cook some breakfast for her."

Virginia and I made fried eggs and chocolate chip banana pancakes. She laid ten strips of bacon on the skillet while I sizzled them. Virginia closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. "Isn't that the most wonderful smell ever?"

"What?" I asked, grinning. "My cooking?" I twirled the spatula expertly.

"Bacon." Virginia moaned. "I'm going to make bacon-scented candles and sell them."

"I'm sure you'd make some big bucks, Ginny," I teased. "I'll be your first customer."

Her eyes glowed. "I'll have some ready by the time you get back for Christmas."

Naomi tottered down the stairs and to the table. "Amber's cooking, Mum!" She announced loudly. "I'll get a bucket of water ready!"

"Hush, you imp!" I chortled, sticking my tongue out at her. Naomi returned the gesture.

"Hurry up!" Virginia begged. "It smells so good!"

I laid two pancakes, two pieces of bacon, and a single fried egg on each plate. Virginia poured herself a cup of tea while Naomi slurped down fresh milk from our neighbors. I sat down with a glass of pumpkin juice and dug in to my plate.

"So yummy." Naomi sighed, while Virginia moaned in agreement. Mum emerged from her room when we were half-finished with breakfast. She raised a brow and sat down. "Amber, you made this?"

"Yup." I didn't feel like talking to her much, not after yesterday.

Mum sighed and ate a piece of everything. "Nice job." She said, and focused her attention on Virginia. "Did you sleep at all honey?"

Virginia looked hassled. "Yes, Mum."

"How is your stomach? This is a heavy breakfast."

My mood was quickly souring again. I ate the rest of my food in a hurry and brought it to the sink. I washed it quickly and left it to dry on the rack.

"Thanks for breakfast, Amber." Virginia called as I went up the stairs to find my suitcase and begin packing.

Clearly, Mum hadn't forgiven me yet. And I had no plans to do the same either. I wanted an apology first. But I had a feeling I wasn't going to get one. Not for awhile.

At least she made me look forward to going to Hogwarts.

I changed into comfortable Muggle clothes. Jean shorts, a black tank top, a red flannel shirt, and sandals. I fixed my slightly curling honey-blonde hair in the mirror and studied my reflection. Would I ever grow into those gigantic brown eyes? Would I ever look like a woman, instead of a girl?

Dejected, I brought my empty suitcase downstairs and began loading textbooks inside. In went the cauldron and the potion equipment. In went the robes and clothes. I had kept most of my things in the porch, ready to go, but lacking a suitcase. I wanted to be sure to remember to fill it before I forgot the whole thing.

Reluctantly, I tucked my wand inside the folds of my soft clothes carefully. I didn't want any harm coming to it. I had had a nightmare about it being snapped in half and never wanted to see such a thing happen to it, ever.

I thought about asking Dad or Mum to perform some protection charms, but didn't want to sound too worrisome. My luggage would be just fine. Feeling antsy, I wandered outside to walk the edge of the property one last time.

The horses flicked their long tails at me as I walked past. Romulus padded over and licked my hand. His nose was wet and cold, like snow. I rubbed behind his ears and threw a crap apple for him. He chased after it like lightning.

I watched the sun climb higher by degrees, shortening shadows and bringing more light. Most of the trees were still green, but some were already blushing with the colors of the fall. One maple was more red than green. It was probably sick or old.

I thought of Virginia.

Something cracked on the edge of the forest. I turned slightly, remembering my fight with Mum. I thought of You-Know-Who, and suddenly found myself on the ground, on my back, staring up at the empty blue sky.

A blur of black-and-white streaked past me, and I heard the sound of bodies colliding together. I pushed myself on my elbows, wishing desperately for my wand. Romulus was locked in combat with something canine and brown.

I screamed, more out of fear for Romulus than for myself. There were terrible growls and snarls, guttural, primeval noises that raised the hairs on the back of my neck. Finally, the two shapes broke apart.

Romulus ran in front of me, standing protectively, one shoulder missing a clump of fur and bleeding. His lips were pulled back fully to expose his gleaming white teeth. He let out another ferocious growl and rose his hackles even more, so that he looked twice his size.

A coyote, snarling, stood ten feet away, bleeding from his muzzle and his flank. His yellow eyes were wild and furious. Romulus snapped his jaws again, daring the coyote to move forward. I let out a scream again, this time directed at the coyote. My heart was pounding so hard I could hardly stand, but I wanted to scare this thing off. Using bravado, I let out another shriek and waved my arms. I wanted to look big and tall and scary.

The coyote flattened his ears. Romulus lunged again for the coyote. This time, the coyote turned and fled into the woods. Romulus gave chase.

"Romulus!" I cried, terrified that the dog would be ambushed by more coyotes. I could hear undergrowth shaking as they got farther away. I realized I was alone again, and horribly unprotected. I was almost a mile from home. Of course no one would hear me.

I glanced around wildly, trying to find a weapon, when Romulus burst out of the trees. He was panting from running, but he looked fierce. He nudged me toward the direction of the house. I obeyed him and took off at a sprint for the farm.

Romulus kept pace well, but I knew his shoulder would be hurting. When we arrived breathless at the barn, I hurried to get him a salve and gauze. Romulus followed me. His tongue lolled out, as if he already didn't care about his fight. As if he was invincible and hadn't been worried in the first place.

"Thank you, Romulus," I whispered, dabbing the antiseptic salve into his wound. He licked my face. Fighting back tears, I held a wad of gauze over the wound. Red dots seeped through, but after five minutes, it pulled away clean. His wound would be healed within the day.

I tried to think of how the attack had happened. Was the coyote hunting? Maybe it was so hungry it had decided to try and eat me. Or it could have been defending its pups. Maybe there was a den nearby. I shuddered and remembered how quickly I had been flat on my back. Dad had warned that when confronted with creatures, you always wanted to be on your feet. Your chances of survival went drastically down the moment you went to the ground.

I gave Romulus a bowl of treats, rubbing his ears, hoping the calming gesture would soothe my frayed nerves. My hand shook badly, more than when they had yesterday at Ollivander's. Romulus wagged his tail and ate. When he was finished, my shaking had all but stopped. I breathed in deeply, never wanting to be caught unarmed again. I returned to the house and dug my wand out. I slipped it into my pocket. Even if I was a brand new witch, I would be prepared. Even if I just had a wand, I would stand a chance.

Mum swept into the porch. "Oh, good. You're almost ready." She was wearing a blue dress, her brown hair parted in two French lace braids. "Your sisters will be ready soon, too."

"How are we getting to the station?" I asked as I checked my hair in a mirror. It was crazy as usual.

"Portkey." She paused, as if she wanted to say more, but gave me a sad look instead before leaving the room.

I swallowed, fighting tears again. Why did my departure have to be so dramatic? Lugging my suitcase outside, I waited by the lamppost again, scanning the trees for a sign of wildlife. But when Mum showed up with Naomi and Virginia ten minutes later, there was nothing. Just the farm animals. Romulus sat in the field, ears half-pricked, guarding the farm. My heart warmed toward the loyal dog. I was going to miss him.

"Where's Dad?" Naomi asked Mum, who only shook her head. "Who knows, Naomi. If he isn't here in five minutes, he's going to miss Amber's departure."

The thought saddened me. I understood his missing school shopping, but would he miss the train departure, too? I looked down.

"There he is!" Naomi cried, and my head snapped up. Sure enough, Dad emerged from the barn, grinning widely. In one hand he carried a cage.

My heart picked up speed as he got closer. Inside the cage sat a brown-and-white shape. I looked at him wildly. "Is that…?"

"Your pet." Dad handed me the cage reverently. I couldn't keep the smile off my face. Excitement replaced the fear from this morning. It was a pet! A beautiful, gorgeous barn owl. It blinked open its slitted eyes, revealing pit-black eyes set against a snowy white, heart-shaped face. It hooted once and ruffled its pretty feathers. It closed its eyes again, sleeping.

"Dad, thank you!" I hugged him with one arm. "Thank you so much!"

"It took me all morning to find him and catch him." Dad explained. "Sorry I missed breakfast, ladies. I'm sure it was delicious."

"It was." Virginia confirmed.

"Dad, this is so wonderful." I would be able to take a part of the barn with me to school. A real, living part. I could hardly believe it.

"You can name him whatever you want. He's young, probably been out of the nest for a few weeks. Kind of like you, soon." He glanced at all of us. "You ladies ready for the station?"

Mum was watching him with a look of displeasure on her face. "You sure you want to go out in public like that?"

Disdain for her nagging dampened my joy of having a new pet. But before I could snap at her, Dad said brightly, "This day is about Amber, not me. Besides, I can change afterwards." He nodded to the lamppost. "Let's go, ladies. The train leaves in under an hour."

The five of us touched us hands to the cool black lamppost. I had a final glimpse of the farm a moment before we were sucked inside the limbo that would take us to the train station. A moment later, our feet touched solid ground again.

We stood at the edge of a brick pillar. Muggles milled about, some together, but most of them walking in solitude. Dad gestured to a brick pillar a few feet away. "Now, Amber, what you're going to want to do is run through that brick wall."

I faced him like he was crazy. "Are you trying to kill me?"

Mum snorted.

Dad ignored her. "It's like a portal. It separates our world from the Muggles." He nodded. "Go on. We'll be right behind you."

I wondered if Mum planned on coming, but I held my tongue and instead tried to ignore my legs, which were getting shaky with adrenaline. Run through a brick wall? I took a deep breath. The barn owl opened one eye, gazed at me, then closed it again. If the owl wasn't upset, I took comfort in the notion that I should relax, too.

"Go on, Amber!" Naomi encouraged. "You can do it!"

I took another deep breath. _Just do it. _I gripped the handle of the suitcase tightly, so that the whites of my knuckles showed, and trotted towards the pillar. I broke into a run just before, and shut my eyes tightly, expecting to meet a hard, unforgiving mass of brick.

Instead I kept going. I opened my eyes in disbelief, slowing to a stop. I was in a whole new part of the train station. White steam billowed from a sleek black-and-red locomotive, which then issued a single high-pitched whistle from its horn. A red plaque on the face of the train read in gold letters _HOGWARTS EXPRESS. _In white numbers beneath it was 5972.

It let another shrill whistle. The conductor wandered along the platform, collecting tickets and greeting families. Packed onto the concrete were endless witches and wizards, saying their final farewells and giving last-minute hugs and kisses. I didn't hear my own family approach from behind me until Dad cleared his throat and said, "Well, I guess this is it."

I turned on my heel hard, fighting against the sudden hotness in my eyes, the lump in my throat. Dad's eyes were red-rimmed from exhaustion, but I recognized the sheen of tears in them. He pulled me into a tight embrace. "I love you, Amber," he whispered in my ear. "We'll write you as often as you want."

I nodded tightly, knowing that if I gave an inch, I would dissolve into tears in front of not just my whole family, but my new classmates.

Naomi bulldozed into my arms like a wrecking ball smashing into a building. I had to take a steadying step to keep from falling over. "I'm going to miss you." I managed, rubbing her small back. Naomi lifted her chin, smiling bravely, even though tears streamed down her cheeks.

I had to avert my gaze. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold back my own tears for much longer.

Virginia hugged me lightly. Her skinny arms were like matchsticks around my shoulders. She was so cold, like ice, even though she wore a thick white sweater around her tiny frame. She squeezed my hand gently. "Do your best. Write me."

"I will." I promised, knowing time was running out with my family. _It isn't forever, Amber_. I thought crossly. _Get over it. _

Mum nodded. "You'll want to get on the train, now. Looks like most of the luggage has already been put away."

Breathing deeply, I struggled to hold my emotions in check. No goodbye from Mum. No surprise. "Guess it's my turn to get on the train."

Mum looked uncomfortable. She put an arm around Virginia's bony shoulders. My sister wilted like a dead flower, looking more ashamed than ever. Desperately close to tears, I brushed past them, luggage in tow. My wand brushed against my hip, a reminder that I was not just a member of the Harkstone family, but now, a bonafide witch. I didn't need their approval, least of all Mum's.

"Amber!" Mum called out. I glanced back uncertainly.

Her face was rather pinched. "Make sure you don't get into any more trouble. I don't want to hear anything from your professors about your behavior." Her blue eyes narrowed. "And try not to make an utter fool out of yourself."

Dad looked outraged. "Lena!" He snapped, but the damage was done.

Hurt beyond words, I turned away and clenched my luggage with a grip that couldn't have been loosened by any spell. My suitcase was heavy and I struggled to heave it aboard. "Come on!" I cried, and with a final heave of effort, it jumped into the train. Hot tears were already coming fast; I kept my head down as I passed several students, chattering excitedly and completely oblivious to me.

I stumbled into the first compartment I could find. Two my horror, two boys, both black-haired and young, stared at me. I looked away, embarrassed, wishing just for an empty compartment where I could unleash the torrent of tears.

"Sorry," I whispered, trying to back up, but the door had swung shut. The latch, old and rusty, didn't want to budge.

One of the boys giggled. I hunched my shoulders and tried harder to open the doorjamb. "What's the matter?" One of the taunted. "Miss Mummy and Daddy already?"

"What a crybaby." The other said loudly. "Did you pack any diapers, baby? Wouldn't want you to wet the bed, now."

Their words flew like darts and struck true in my heart. Choking on a sob, I whipped out my wand and pointed it at the door. "Open up!" I wept, banging harder. The wand did nothing in my hand.

The boys laughed. "She's a Squib, too!" The slapped their hands on their pants as if it was the funniest joke they'd heard in a long time.

Wanting to die, I covered my face and let the tears come.

"Awww," the brown-eyed boy sneered, fixing his glasses on his nose. "Does someone need a napkin or a tissue? You're getting boogers all over the place."

"Bloody Hell," the other one sniggered, "better tell the conductor we have a runaway toddler on the train."

Why? Why did every day that was meant to be happy and special have to turn out so rotten? What had I done to earn this? Hadn't Mum's cruelty been enough of a punishment?

Suddenly the door opened. Without bothering to see who had finally opened the impossible door, I grabbed my luggage and bolted. Ducking my head, I glanced at each compartment frantically, praying for an empty one.

"You can come in here, if you like."

I looked up sharply. A girl, my age, had opened her sliding glass door. Her brilliant green eyes filled with worry. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head. "Can I come in, please?" My voice quavered like a child's, but I didn't care.

Her face softened with sympathy. "There's room for you." She opened the door wider to allow access. The only other occupant was a sallow-faced boy with limp black hair hanging by his face. He looked profoundly irritated at my arrival.

"Sev, she can sit with us, can't she?" Asked the redheaded girl as she closed the door tightly. I peeked at the door, hoping that this one wouldn't stick shut.

The boy rolled his black eyes. "I suppose."

Trembling, I sat on the upholstered chair, wiping my eyes. The girl handed me a tissue. I took it, grateful. I blew my running nose into it, earning a sour look from the boy across the compartment.

"I was just crying too," the girl admitted. "So I have lots more, if you need them."

I wiped my eyes with the backs of my sleeves. "Thanks."

She smiled kindly. "I'm Lily Evans. This is Severus Snape."

Severus winced, as if he wished Lily hadn't revealed his name.

"I'm Amber Harkstone." I took another tissue and wrapped the dirty one inside. I stuffed it inside of my pocket, not seeing a trash can. Severus grimaced.

Already feeling like a complete fool, I cleared my throat and tried to sound as normal as possible. "Are you first years, too?"

Lily nodded enthusiastically. "Yup! Severus and I are going to be in Hufflepuff together."

That remark earned two bulging eyes from the solemn boy, who made a retching noise. "I'm going to be in Slytherin, like my mother. Hufflepuffs are complete idiots."

Despite my mother's treatment of me, I felt heat rise to my face. "My entire family's been in Hufflepuff." I said evenly.

Faint spots of color rose to Severus' cheeks. Lily sighed. "I don't have any family in Hogwarts." She confessed. "I'll be the first one ever."

"Did they attend a different school?" I asked, curious. "I almost went to B.B. Seed's in Glasgow."

Snape looked unimpressed, but even so, slightly intrigued. "Me too."

"It's the poor kid's alternative." I muttered. "I almost couldn't afford attending Hogwarts."

Lily looked distressed. "That's terrible. Education is a wonderful thing. It should be for everyone."

Snape nodded once.

"My parents are Muggles," Lily explained. "I don't have a drop of magical blood in me."

"Of course you do." I corrected. "If you're a Muggleborn, you must have an ancestor somewhere that was a Squib." I instantly thought of Virginia, weak and unhealthy. Did her illness make her a Squib? Or did it just suppress her magic?

"Squib?" Lily echoed, not understanding.

"A person born to magical parents, but doesn't have magic themselves. So you _do _have magical blood, but it just skips generations sometimes. Like for my dad. He's a Muggle-born too."

Lily blinked. "Did we have summer homework?" She asked suspiciously.

"No." Severus answered. He narrowed his eyes at me. "She's just a know-it-all."

Dislike, fresh and ugly, rose like bile in my throat. Lily fixed Severus with a look that said _Shut up_. I squared my shoulders and held my tongue. If he wanted to be a pessimist, fine. That was his choice. I wasn't going to sink to his level unless he grabbed me and dragged me down.

"You know," Lily said after a long, awkward silence, "Sev says that first years get to ride in boats across the lake! They don't have to take the carriages like the other years do."

Severus watched me coldly. I wondered if there was any emotion behind those obsidian eyes. "What kind of boats?" I said, meeting Severus' gaze squarely. He narrowed his eyes and looked away. He stared out the window, his jaw rigid.

"I don't know." Lily said, frowning slightly. "What kinds of boats? Sev?"

"Little ones." He responded. "My mother said only two or three can fit inside each."

Lily beamed. "So the three of us can share!"

Severus let out a tiny groan. Already wishing I was alone in my own compartment, I forced a smile. "We'll see, Lily."

I pulled out a book from my suitcase randomly. _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them _was my reading material for the train ride to Hogwarts Castle. Opening the stiff, new cover, I began at Chapter One and studiously read each line, wishing I could highlight the noteworthy bits. _When I learn some spells, _I thought determinedly, _I'll be able to do anything. Even highlight my books!_

Lily babbled on and on to Severus. He mostly listening, pausing every few hundred words to give me a disgruntled scowl. Clearly, he hadn't wanted to share his journey with anyone other than Lily. She respected my wish to remain buried in literature and didn't try to include me in her near-monologue. I appreciated the tactfulness. As gregarious and friendly as she was, I wanted nothing more than to escape my own unsavory emotions and problems by delving into what Newt Scamander had written.

The light began to fade after several hours of travel. Lily craned her neck, pressing her face against the glass excitedly. "We're almost there!" She said excitedly. "I can see the castle!"

I felt a flutter of trepidation. Hogwarts Castle. My new home for the next year. Did I really want to see it?

But even gloomy Severus had joined Lily at the window, gazing out hopefully. I closed the book and peered around her long flame-colored hair. Sure enough, there was a castle. It was still miles away. Nevertheless, it loomed like a many-spired mountain from the hills and trees. It was impressive and formidable, even from our distance.

"Won't be long now." Severus predicted, unable to take his eyes off of the castle.

"Oh, Sev!" Lily exclaimed. "Won't it be wonderful? I hope we're in the same House! This is so exciting!"

She gave her friend a quick hug, earning an embarrassed blush from him. He looked even more shy when he stole a quick glance in my direction.

I stowed my book and resolved myself to watch the rest of the journey by the window. Pine trees passed by in a dark green blur. The fields and meadows that we had crossed were becoming overtaken by forests. In minutes, we were speeding through a tunnel of trees, the sky completely blocked out by leaves and tree trunks.

"I wonder what's in there." Lily said softly.

Severus grimaced. "Lots of things. I bet there's evil stuff in there."

"Evil stuff?" Lily repeated, her green eyes widening in fear.

"Not like that," Severus said quickly, backpedaling. "I mean, there's werewolves and stuff in there. And centaurs. And, there's probably giant bugs, too…"

He trailed off at the look on Lily's face. She looked slightly sick.

"There's also unicorns." I interjected. "Thestrals, too."

"Unicorns?" Breathed Lily. A glimmer of awe appeared in her eyes.

I nodded. "I read about it in _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. _Did you know that thestrals are invisible to most people? Only those who have seen death can see them."

"Oh, wow!" Lily said. "You're smart, Amber!"

Severus rolled his eyes. I wanted to scrub that arrogant smirk from his face.

A teenage girl with brown hair and gray eyes poked her head in the door. "You'll want to put your black robes on." She piped. "We'll be arriving soon and they'll make you get back on the train to London if you aren't properly dressed!"

She was gone as quickly as she had come. The three of us exchanged a wide-eyed look of horror. Instantly, we were each digging through our own bags, trying to find just one robe. We were cloaked in less than a minute.

The train slowed, and then groaned to a halt. A flurry of students flooded the aisle and poured outside. Lily jumped up and grabbed her suitcase. I followed her example, earning a sleepy hoot from my awakening owl. "I can't let you out yet." I told him. "I don't know if you'll come back to me!"

He gave me a sardonic look.

"Come on!" Lily encouraged. "Let's go!" She waited while Severus picked up a battered satchel and hurried to her side. I was left to follow them from behind.

The moment we left the compartment, we were swept along with the tide of students, exiting en masse through the open doors of the train. Lily and Severus didn't stop until they were at the edge of the crowd. "Leave your luggage here!" A haggard man hawked. "Right here on the pile! Leave your suitcases and pets behind!"

"I guess that answers the question I was about to ask," Lily joked, depositing her belongings at the pile. Severus copied her. I hesitated, worried about the owl.

"Don't worry," a male voice said from beside me. I turned and faced a tall teenage boy, with a friendly face. "They'll bring your owl to the owlery. They'll take good care of him."

"Thanks." I said, unsure of how to react. So far, almost everyone today had been seemingly out to get me. Only Lily had been truly kind.

"I'm a fourth year." He went on. "Sean Locke. I'm in Hufflepuff. You must be a first year."

Was he going to be as mean as those two boys in the first compartment? Fidgeting nervously, I replied, "I am."

He pointed towards a group of students. "That's where you need to be. The boats will depart soon. You don't want to miss that. You'll never have another chance. After this year, it'll be carriages only."

His tone reflected nothing but kindness. Even so, I still pictured those two boys with dark hair, dark eyes, and even darker attitudes. "Thanks." I mumbled, and hurried away quickly. Lily and Severus were already huddled at the edge of other first year students. "What took you so long?" Lily whispered.

"Nothing." I murmured. "I had to-"

"Shh!" Severus hissed. "Listen!"

I opened my mouth to fire off a retort, my patience with Severus reaching an end, but sure enough, a man was speaking. He loomed like a tower above the crowd of students, the whiskers on his long beard glinting in the moonlight.

"Over here! First years!" The huge man called out. "Follow me, now! This way!"

"We just go after him?" Lily muttered. Severus nodded. A surge of annoyance bubbled like lava in my stomach. He silenced me, but not Lily?

The giant turned and walked down a forest path. Even from my distance, I could feel the vibrations from his heavy footfalls. The crowd of first years fell into step behind him. Lamps on tree trunks illuminated the pathway, mosquitoes and moths hovering around them like little planets orbiting a sun. Lily was the first to spot the lake. She let out a small gasp of awe and pointed. "Look over there!" She whispered. "There it is!"

I couldn't see from my place behind the rest of the students. But sure enough, as the group of black-robed spread out on the shore, I was able to see clearly.

The lake was a mirror beneath the night sky. It was impossible to tell which was sky and which was water, except for the small fleet of tiny boats moored at the shore. At the prow of each was a single candle-lit lantern.

"No more than four to a boat!" The giant instructed. "Pick your vessel and let's cross the lake. We don't want to be late for your own Sorting!"

Perched on the slope of a rocky mountain was a huge castle, each window illuminated with a tiny golden square. Spires rose into the air, towers and crenellated castle walls cutting into the skyline. Ridges and peaks of mountains rose around the castle, a natural fortress of protection.

"Come on!" Lily urged, plowing ahead of the other students, gallantly leaping into the first boat she could find. Severus tore after her, clearly determined not to be separated. It was futile, I knew. There was no way a boy dead-set on being in Slytherin could ever be in the same House as a sweet, kind girl like Lily, who was destined for any House but.

"Amber, come on!" Lily called. "There's room for one more!"

Surprised to be invited, I hurried to the edge of the boat. Severus's smile was replaced by a scowl. I ignored him and clambered over the edge of the boat and sat down on the creaking wooden seat. Lily clung to the light pole, her eyes reflecting the starlight and the lights from the castle.

"Isn't it breathtaking?" She whispered.

I watched Severus stare at her, like a child watching a Christmas tree. "Yeah," he agreed quietly. "You are."

Understanding struck like lightning. No wonder Severus had been so snarky to me! He was jealous of Lily's attention! He wanted it all for himself, undivided and unsquandered. I couldn't blame him for wanting attention from her. After all, hadn't I longed for the same thing from my mother for most of my life?

The students filled the boats quickly. No one else entered ours, mostly because of the looks Severus shot them when they came too close. The large man waved a flowery pink umbrella, and the boats pushed themselves off of the beach, grinding against pebbles and tiny rocks as they floated out into the open black water. Stars glimmered on the glassy surface, shimmering when the boats rippled the water. The castle loomed closer, a beacon of light in the darkness of the lake and mountains. The only sounds were the gentle murmurs of the water against the sides of the boats. Though no one had cast a spell, it was one of the magical moments I had ever experienced.

"It's beautiful," I said softly, mostly to myself. Lily was too transfixed to hear. Severus, if he had heard at all, gave no indication. Half of the time, his eyes were only for Lily, rather than the castle.

Within minutes we had crossed the inky waters and ran aground on the pebbled shores across the lake. The giant heaved himself out and told us to do the same. He led us up a stone walkway and onto a tall stone bridge. A great oak door swung open to admit us into the enormous stone castle. From a distance, the castle had been astonishing. But now, up close, it was simply magnificent. My neck craned backward as I walked underneath the stone archway, trying to get a final glimpse of the tallest tower, reaching high into the night air, maybe hundreds of feet high. My hands tingled at the thought of ascending to such heights. Would the school even allow passage to places like that? Wouldn't there be some kind of waiver parents needed to sign in order for their children to risk falling to their deaths?

"Amber!" Lily whispered. "Come on, keep up!"

I hadn't realized I had been left behind by the group of first years. Heat rising to my face, I hurried after them, catching up to Lily. She giggled as we lagged behind the others. "You really need to keep your head out of the clouds, Amber. What will you do when we take our first classes?"

_Classes_. They would be back-breaking, mind-unraveling, complicated courses. I just knew it. Shivering, I thought of failing something, anything. I pictured shriveled and wizened men and women, with giant warts on their noses, black pointy hats wedged on their balding heads, cackling as I couldn't come up the right answer. I pictured myself hanging by my thumbs until I solved whatever problems they challenged me with.

_Why did I come here_? I gulped hard. _I should have gone to B.B. Seed's_. _I'm sure their schoolwork is easy. At least, it's manageable! _Hogwarts was a private institution, world-known, renowned in Great Britain and its surrounding countries. How was I ever going to fit in here, let alone make good grades, keep them, and surpass my fellow students?

My heart pounded hard as I began to panic. My legs felt like jelly, weakening with each step. Why hadn't I stayed home? Why had I traveled here, hundreds of miles from home, from everything I knew? The first fellow students I'd had the unpleasant experience of meeting had treated me like a joke. Wasn't I a joke for having the nerve to come here? To attend this prestigious school and expect _not _to be ridiculed?

Hot tears sprang to my eyes. I tried to blink them away, but two tears traitorously slipped down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away with the back of my sleeves. The last thing I wanted was for anyone else to see me cry, but my heart was pounding so hard and my head was spinning so fast I was sure I would either cry, vomit, or faint. Or maybe all three, in that exact order.

"Hey," Lily said quietly, a worried look on her heart-shaped face. "Are you okay?"

Tight-lipped, I gave a curt nod. If I said a word, I would lose it. Tears, words, and my breakfast.

To my complete shock, Lily's eyes were filled with tears too. Maybe they had just come. Or maybe she had been upset too before, but I hadn't noticed it.

"I miss my family." She confessed quietly, so that none of the others, who were several feet ahead of us, could hear. "And I'm scared of change, too."

I stared at her, floored. Had she read my mind? There was no other way possible for her to know how I felt at this moment.

Lily sniffled, wiping her own tears. "I have a sister. I understand more than you think."

Something hard and cold began to soften and uncurl inside of me. I slowly let down my hackles, put down my sword and shield. Lily Evans was not like my mother, who was constantly parrying and thrusting blows with her sword. Lily Evans was kind, sweet, and unnervingly understanding. She was a lot like Virginia, except braver. Incomparably braver.

Some of the weight rose like a heavy cloud off of my shoulders. I gave Lily a tiny smile. My stomach still clenched nervously. But the knot in my throat was gone. "Thank you." I said simply.

Lily returned the smile. "You're welcome."

"Lily!" Severus hissed. "Come on! We're almost at the Great Hall!"

We had already ascended several cases of stone stairs. I hadn't noticed before. But now we stood outside another set of doors, not as tall, but still just as imposing. My stomach cramped, and I swayed on my feet.

_Be brave. _I willed. _Be brave like Romulus was. Don't be afraid. Just do it._

Lily and I flanked Severus, who shot me an irritated look and moved to Lily's other side so that she was sandwiched between us. Lily didn't seem to mind Severus's foul mood.

Waiting in front of the door was a silver tabby, with silver circles around her eyes. "I think someone lost their cat," I muttered to Lily. She nodded in sympathy for the unfortunate owner.

"What's that ugly thing doing there?" A familiar male voice said loudly. I narrowed my eyes. It was one of those boys from earlier!

"I hate cats!" The other shouted, the dark-eyed one, and made a step towards the cat.

Without thinking, I began to move forward, ready to stop him, but to my complete shock, the cat transformed into a tall witch within a fraction of a second. Her black hair was tied back in a severe knot. Her facial features were sharp and defined, not softened by makeup. Elegant spectacles sat on the bridge of her narrow nose. Her green eyes blazed as she glared down at the faltering boy, who took a careful step back in line.

"Causing trouble before you're even Sorted." She said, her voice like a judge, passing down an edict. "You must be a Black."

The boy looked nervous, but slightly amused. "So what if I am?" He shot back boldly.

Several students gasped.

The witch's stern look focused on him, unfazed. "Tomfoolery and cruelty will not be tolerated here at Hogwarts, Mr. Black. Neither will insubordination. I highly suggest you change your behavior and mind your manners, or I assure you, you _will_ be punished and possibly expelled."

There was a murmur of students discussing this severe punishment. The boy sniggered mockingly.

"Five points will be taken from whatever House you are Sorted into, Mr. Black." The witch continued, her tone icy. Her eyes flashed. "This is a warning. Next time, I won't be so lenient." She looked away from the troublesome boy, her eyes roving over each student. "Behind these doors is the Great Hall. Here, you will be Sorted into your Houses by the Sorting Hat. We will read off your names from the roster in alphabetical order. Afterwards, we will continue onto the feast. You will be escorted to your rooms for the night and be given your schedules in the morning." She turned and approached the doors. "Form a single file line, students. No talking. Be polite. And above all, do not be disrespect to our Headmaster."

With that, she turned on her heel. The doors gave way and swung open, without a single touch.

Four long tables lined the cathedral-like room. Students, dressed in black robes, crowded on the benches lining the sides of the tables. The moment the heavy doors creaked open, every pair of eyes in the hall turned and focused on the twenty-odd new students. Color rose to my face under the scrutiny of so many. I forced myself not to bite my lip and to keep my head notched high. _Don't show fear. I bet they can smell fear. _

The witch who had scolded the Black boy swept to the front of the room. Our footsteps and the muffled whispers of nearly three hundred students were the only sound. The witch took her place by a single, vacant stool. Behind her was another long table, perpendicular to all the others. Seated there were several adults, who I assumed to be the staff members. Sitting directly behind the empty stool at a throne-like seat was an old man with a long white beard and half-moon spectacles on his crooked nose. Our eyes connected. His were astonishingly blue, electric and intense. He offered a small smile.

I looked away quickly, heart pounding. It was Albus Dumbledore himself. The greatest wizard in hundreds of years, possibly second only to Merlin himself. Did he know who I was? Did he care?

He hadn't even been the one to sign my acceptance letter. It had been Minerva McGonagall. I searched the long table of staff again, wondering which witch could be her.

The witch beside the empty stool unrolled parchment and held a weathered-looking hat in her other hand. It seemed like the entire hall of people was holding their breath in anticipation.

"Azadian, Angelina!" She called in a loud, clear voice. It echoed off the buttresses and arches of the vaulted ceiling.

A thin girl with huge gray eyes approached the stool. Even from this distance, I could see her shaking like a tuning fork. Quaking, she lowered herself in the chair, seeming to shrink in the folds of her robes.

"Poor thing." Lily whispered. I could only nod. I could strongly identify with how Angelina felt. My own legs threatened to give out, but for me, there would be no chair. Not yet, at least.

The witch placed the tattered brown hat on Angelina's head. The hat wiggled, the folds blinking back eye-like shadows. Angelina looked terrified.

After a moment, the hat roared, "Ravenclaw!"

The table to the right erupted in applause. Looking supremely relieved, Angelina staggered to the table and took a seat between two friendly looking girls.

At least she had gotten it over with.

"Black, Sirius!" The witch called, her voice cracking like a whip.

The rude boy enthusiastically plopped down in the stool. The hat rested on his dark hair for only a moment when it declared, "Gryffindor!"

The table across from the Ravenclaws burst into cheers and claps. I noticed the entire table closest to the wall giving Sirius a dirty look as the boy sauntered to the Gryffindor table.

"I wonder if they thought he'd be in their House," I muttered to Lily. She nodded, half-listening, focusing on the procession of students lining up for their turn to be sorted.

Three more students were sorted. Two were placed in Hufflepuff. A third was sorted into Slytherin. The next student called was Lily.

"That's me!" She whispered excitedly. Without any hesitation, she approached the stool with confidence, though her legs shook. _Adrenaline, _I thought, feeling only nausea and dread.

The witch dropped the hat onto Lily's dark red head, and barely a moment later, it cried, "Gryffindor!"

The table of Gryffindors cheered. Lily handed the hat back and hurried by. She gave Severus and I a sad little smile before she was gone. I watched her reach the table, saw Sirius move over to give her room. Lily gave him a disgusted look and promptly sat thirty feet from him. She looked back at me and Severus hopefully.

I felt a growing sense of dread as two more students were called and sorted, Slytherin and Hufflepuff respectively.

"Harkstone, Amber!" The professor called, and my heart stopped. When my pulse restarted, it hammered in my ears like a drumbeat. My legs turned to jelly. I couldn't move.

"Harkstone, Amber?" She repeated, frowning.

Severus nudged me hard, almost enough to be considered a shove. "Get up there, Harkstone!" He hissed. "It's your turn!"

Stumbling forward, my foot caught on the hem of my robe and I fell forward. I hit the stone floor hard, smacking my cheek against the cold rock. Several people gasped. A few teachers were on their feet.

Someone reached down a hand to help me. Face burning, I took it and allowed them to help me up. Ducking my head, I hurried to the stool. "Watch your step, Rocky!" A familiar voice sneered. Glancing back in shock, I came face to face with the green-eyed boy from the compartment. "Four eyes." I whispered as I went past.

I sat firmly on the stool, knowing my face was the color of a tomato, my right cheek aching. I knew it was going to bruise.

The professor holding the hat gave me a cursory look, and, deciding I was healthy enough to proceed, dropped the abused-looking hat on my head.

The hat was so big that it covered my eyes. I was staring at blackness. A raspy, old male voice in my head mused, _Clever, very clever. You are a bright witch, Amber. Brighter than many, especially for those your own age._

I caught my breath, not sure if I wanted this kind of intimacy. Could the hat read my thoughts? How deep could his penetrating mind go?

_There's courage too. Yes, and also, the burning desire to prove yourself. You have been ignored and neglected, and so you have taken solace in books. You have much knowledge in your possession, more than most seventh years. _

There was a brief pause. _You aren't afraid of a fight, but don't go looking for one. You would do as well in Gryffindor as you would in Ravenclaw. But where to put you?_

I was at a loss. The heat of embarrassment rose to my cheeks at the mental perusal. "What about Hufflepuff?" I thought weakly.

_Hufflepuff, eh? Yes, your family may have all been in Hufflepuff, but not you. No, you do not possess the same traits they do. You are wise, daring. You possess a spirit of sky or fire, not earth. Perhaps both sky and fire are yours…_

The hat was silent again, apparently thinking. I could feel more heat pouring into my face. None of the others had taken this long.

_Gryffindor would fuel your fire and teach you to harness its power. Yes, you could be a lioness among the house cats. Your confidence and bravery would be grown with Gryffindor. They would make you a warrior, a fearless enemy, someone to be reckoned with._

_But Ravenclaw would nurture your brilliant mind. They would add to your collection of wisdom and enhance your intellect. They would foster your creativity and set your trapped spirit free. They would sharpen your mind, not your sword. _

_But where to put you…?_

The silence stretched on. I could hear several people coughing, or muttering to themselves. When the whispers rose to a crescendo, the professor who had held the hat snapped, "Silence! You must not interrupt the Sorting!"

It was as still as a graveyard. I felt nervous sweat drip between my shoulder blades. My old fear of not being recognized as a witch returned full force. I had gotten an acceptance letter, a wand, and even entered the sacred grounds of Hogwarts. But was this the final barrier? The true test to decide my legitimacy as a witch?

The hat didn't speak.

The seconds ticked by. One minute. Two minutes. Three. Four.

Five.

Six.

Just before the seventh minute completed, the hat spoke again. _I have decided. _

My heart broke into a full sprint.

_Better be… _the hat rasped.

"Ravenclaw!"

Shocked silence met the hat's verbal announcement. It had been silent for nearly ten minutes. The table next to the Gryffindors clapped and cheered, and I rose from the stool. Instead of feeling relief, I felt even more uneasy. What had that long decision meant? That I was a counterfeit? That I didn't measure up to any House? Could a Sorting Hat lie to spare feelings?

I walked away from the stool and the hat and sat down heavily in an open space between two other Ravenclaws. I wanted to bury my face in my hands and cry again. I bit my lip and forced myself to hold on. _At least until after you leave the Hall._

The mean boy with the glasses, James Potter, as it turned out, was sorted in Gryffindor with his friend Sirius, and with Lily. Severus was placed in Slytherin. The roll call continued smoothly until each student had been placed. The remaining twenty students after me had been sorted in the same span of time it had taken the hat just to sort me, a mere ten minutes. Each sorting had taken thirty seconds or less. I felt even more unsure. Was the hat unsure of my status as a witch? Had it given its decision to save time and move on to the other students?

The witch with the Sorting Hat waved her wand and the old stool disappeared. She carried the hat away and sat down at the long table seated with staff members. The excited whispers and chatters of students dwindled to a hush when the wizened, long-bearded professor seated at the center of the table slowly rose.

"Thank you, Professor McGonagall, for overseeing the Sorting of our new students." He smiled broadly, nodding to each of the four tables. "Welcome to Hogwarts, first years. With our new incoming students, a new year has arrived as well. In a moment, we will begin our feast, which I'm sure you're all looking forward to as much as I am."

Several mumbles of agreement rippled around the Great Hall. My stomach was a sour ocean and lurched at the thought of any kind of food splashing into it.

Dumbledore spread his hands. "A reminder for our students before we begin our new year together: All third years wishing to travel to Hogsmeade will need written permission from their parents or guardians. First years are not allowed on broomsticks. There is absolutely no admittance into the Forbidden Forest. Hence, why it is forbidden." He chuckled.

"Finally, I ask that all of you maintain and uphold Hogwarts' morals and values. Respect one another as witches and wizards. Use your magic for good. Ask questions. Learn. And above all, remember that love is the greatest magic of all."

He sat down, waving his hands. "Let the feast begin!"

Instantly, mountains and platters of food that had not been there before appeared on every inch of the long wooden table. Spaghetti, burgers, pasta salads, fruit salad, finger sandwiches of every kind imaginable, pot roast, fresh vegetables, endless slices and sticks of buttered bread, steamed seafood, and arrays of dessert. Like piranhas at a bloody kill, each student reached for serving spoons or used their hands to grab finger foods and heaped portions on their enormous plates. Pitchers of juices, water, sparkling water, soft drinks, and iced tea were poured into glasses. The hall was deafening with the sounds of dining students and faculty.

I took one look at the food and felt my stomach rise into my throat. I was sure Mum had made some kind of soup for Virginia, a basic chicken and rice broth that would be easy on her weak stomach. I closed my eyes, longing for the peacefulness of Bellinghall and the serenity of the wilderness around our farm. I wanted to hear crickets chirping and smell the crisp night air and taste butternut squash soup and green tea. Here, my head ached from the din of clattering plates and utensils and from boisterous students. The overwhelming, heady scent of cooked meat filled my nostrils, cramping my stomach. And instead of being spread out on my chaise in the sunporch, I was wedged between two students who kept elbowing me as they ate their dinners.

My mouth trembled. I wanted nothing more than to leave this place where I did not belong. I wanted to go home.

But there was no way Mum would take me back. Not after the tuition they'd paid for me to attend. I wished I had thought to stash a book in my robes and read it now, so that I could transport myself away from the craziness of reality into a world of literature that someone else had written for me.

After several moments of this thinking, I realized several other Ravenclaws were shooting me quick looks, most of them directed at my empty plate. As sick as I felt, I knew I needed to eat something. I hadn't had anything since breakfast, which seemed lifetimes ago.

Hands trembling slightly, I spooned a small helping of fruit salad onto my plate, along with a tiny bowl of white rice that was already half-gone. I added a small slice of buttered bread and poured myself a glass of bubbling water. I ate quietly and kept my head down, unwilling to look up. But at least the curious onlookers had stopped watching me. Maybe they had just been worried about me and my lack of appetite. And now that I ate, it put their concerns at rest.

When my plate was finished, I cautiously reached for a chocolate chip cookie, the smallest one I could find. I nibbled it while gathering my courage and sliding rapid glances at my fellow Ravenclaws. All of them spoke to one another, seeming genuinely interested in what the others had to say.

I was glad to be left alone. I longed for Lily's company. At least we had a basic acquaintance. These others were total strangers.

_Oh, why didn't the Hat put me in Gryffindor? At least I had a somewhat friend there. _

The minutes ebbed by, until finally, plates were finished and students blinked sleepily, in a food-induced stupor. My stomach had barely tolerated the meager portion I had taken; even now, it cramped and groaned. I knew nervous vomiting wasn't out of the question later, though I preferred to avert the unpleasant experience.

Professor McGonagall rose regally from her chair next to Dumbledore. Her voice reverberated around the Hall, clear as glass. "Prefects will now show the first years of their Houses to their dormitories. Head Boys and Girls, please escort the remainder of your Houses in fifteen minutes."

A smattering of students rose from their tables. Legs tight from sitting, I stood and followed a blonde-haired woman with sparkling blues eyes, other Ravenclaws clustered around her like chicks under a hen. "This way, students." She said in a dreamy voice. "Follow me, please."

Several other new Ravenclaws trailed after her. A dark-haired girl that I recognized from earlier fell into step near me. I glanced at her and returned my gaze to the walls. Moving portraits hung on every inch of stone wall, their subjects waving or speaking among themselves. The willowy Prefect led us up a series of moving staircases, rising higher and higher above the ground floor.

"Hey," the dark-haired girl whispered, "I'm Angelina. You're Amber, aren't you?"

Surprised at her memory, I nodded. "Yeah."

She smiled. "You're the Hatstall, aren't you?"

I felt indignace at her remark. "What does that mean?" I muttered as we ascended.

"It means the Sorting Hat couldn't decide which House to sort you in. It only happens once every fifty years or so. What was the other House?"

I didn't know this girl. And if she was anything like Sirius Black or James Potter, I wanted nothing to do with her. "Hufflepuff." I lied, not wanting to give her any information about myself. "My whole family's been in Hufflepuff."

"That's interesting. My whole family's been in Ravenclaw. I guess it's in the genes. Houses tend to prefer family members, not outsiders." She promptly turned scarlet. "I didn't mean for that to sound bad. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way."

Her words rubbed salt in my wounds. What would Mum and Dad say when they found out I wasn't in their beloved Hufflepuff?

I shrugged instead, concealing my inner hurt. "Don't worry about it." I said quietly. Angelina was still burning with embarrassment; her cheeks were still rosy with it.

"Almost there!" The Prefect chirped cheerfully. But she continued to climb. Finally, at the last moving staircase, she disembarked and padded down a corridor, leaving us to follow. It had many windows, allowing the clear night sky to shine through. I looked down. We were very, very high up.

She began to walk up a narrow, spiraling set of stairs without railings. It hugged the wall, leaving only a few feet of space for walking. It looked harrowing for two-way traffic. Taking a deep breath, I brought up the rear of the small group and followed the others. Small windows cut into the sides of the tower allowed slits of moonlight to shine through. The air smelled fresher, cleaner. Much better than the hot, stuffy air of the Great Hall.

We climbed higher and higher. My palms began to sweat. I wished they had put in railings! It would have at least put my frazzled mind at ease.

The Prefect halted at a landing several stories above the bottom of the tower. The knocker, a small bronze raven statue, prompted, "In a one-story pink house, there was a pink person, a pink cat, a pink fish, a pink computer, a pink chair, a pink table, a pink telephone, a pink shower– everything was pink! What color were the stairs?"

The willowy blonde chortled. "There were no stairs! It's a one story house!"

"Very observant!" The knocker praised, and creaked open to admit her.

She tossed a friendly smile over her shoulder. "Each time you wish to enter the Common Room, you must answer a riddle. Otherwise, you'll have to wait for someone else to come along! Someone hopefully smarter, too!" She giggled. "Just kidding! But really… it won't let you in unless you answer correctly. Follow me, little ones!"

She swept into the room. The rest of us were left to follow.

The Common Room was wide, circular and adorned in blue and gold. Huge glass windows allowed moonlight to stream through, pouring in like skim milk. On one wall was a huge portrait of a beautiful, but somber, black-haired woman.

"That's our founder, Rowena Ravenclaw." The Prefect pointed out. "Oh, and my name is Pandora Wingspurt! I am not a Founder, but I do wish I could be." She stared out of the window dreamily.

I exchanged a look with Angelina.

"Well, you children must be exhausted!" She clapped two hands. "Go on and scoot off to bed. You can explore your new home more tomorrow. Girls, you're to the right. Boys, to the left. You each have your own towers, depending on your gender." She pulled a fat book off of a shelf crammed with novels and plopped down on a blue chaise. She began to read, pulling absently at her odd radish-shaped earrings.

It was good as a send –off as I had expected.

I followed Angelina and several other girls up a winding stairway into a smaller tower. It was a fraction of the size of the Common Room. More huge windows lined the sides of the circular room, but these windows were covered by soft white curtains that offered privacy and a translucent view of the mountains, lake and grounds of Hogwarts. Ringing the room in perfect spacing were four-poster beds, draped with sky blue canopies and curtains and the beds covered with silk eiderdowns. The sound of the wind faintly rushed against the edges of the windows.

We were literally above all of the other students at Hogwarts.

The other girls chatted amongst themselves, each smiling brightly and unpacking their luggage, which was placed neatly by the sides of the beds. Some of them pulled out pajamas and merrily made their way to the washroom, toothbrushes and combs in hand.

I watched them go, feeling the first pangs of homesickness wash over me. How could they all act so happy? Like this was sleepover camp or something? Well, it wasn't. It was a boarding school, flat out and simple_. _There was no reason to chortle and giggle like tittering chickens. I didn't want to share stories or play with hair. I just wanted to forget and relax.

I drew the curtains around my bed and stood in the center of the mattress. I changed quietly from my robes and my Muggle clothes underneath into a pair of fluffy blue pajama bottoms and a long-sleeved red flannel shirt. I lifted the front of the shirt to my nose and inhaled deeply. It smelled strongly of home. I knew it would only be a matter of time before it faded completely.

While the other girls continued to gabber, I picked up Miranda Goshawk's book on spells and skimmed through the pages. I read about charms and listened to the girls drone on for an hour before their voices faded and I only hear soft sighs and snores.

I kept reading until my eyes were bleary-eyed with sleep. When I was sure the others wouldn't wake up, I gently put my book away and rolled over, extinguishing my lamp. I curled up on my side and let the tears flow free for the first time since the train ride. _God, if you're there, come and rescue me. _

Silence met my plea.

It looked like I was stuck at Hogwarts for the next year.


	4. Chapter Three: Friends and Enemies

**Chapter Three**

It was strange the next morning when I woke up in a bed that was not my own. It was stranger to peer around the sky-blue curtains and see a cluster of eleven-year-old girls in the bathroom fixing their hair and dressing in their robes. They had blue-and-black striped ties on their necks. Resting on my nightstand was a tie, just like theirs. I let out a sigh. I had indeed arrived at Hogwarts and been Sorted into Ravenclaw House. Here was the physical proof. I was going to be marked as a Ravenclaw to the rest of my classmates.

"You'd better hurry up." Angelina remarked as she walked by, busily sweeping her long dark hair into a ponytail. "You're going to miss schedules and breakfast."

Stomach still sour, I grimaced as I slid from my bed and carefully made it. Food still wasn't that interesting to me.

I could feel Angelina's eyes on my back as I fixed my bedding, but she didn't say anything else. By the time I headed into the bathroom, the other girls were already leaving the dormitory. Cursing softly, I rushed to get ready. I stumbled out of the dorm with my robes halfway over my head, my wand tucked into my belt.

In the common room were the rest of the first years, swarming over a small table. I could hear the sound of rapidly rustling papers. "Now, remember!" A tiny male voice squeaked. "If you aren't sure about any of your prescribed courses, be sure to see Professor Carriage! She'll be able to help you evaluate your courses and their set level of difficulty, offer a tutor, or speak to you about any of your concerns!"

Frowning, I approached the table and the students surrounding it. Most of them were already on their way out the door. Sheaves of parchment lay littered on the table. **HARKSTONE, AMBER **caught my eye's attention. I plucked up the paper and scanned through it quickly.

For each day of the week, save for Sundays, I had seven courses. Astronomy, Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Herbology, History of Magic, Potions, and Transfiguration. I sighed. It looked like there would be no time for any free periods, periods where I could spend reading in the library.

"Something wrong, Miss Harkstone?" The male voice squeaked, and I looked down sharply to look into the eyes of a dark-eyed little man. I tried not to show the surprise that registered within me. He was shorter than any man I had ever seen. He was only about as tall as a four-year-old child.

He cleared his throat. "Miss Harkstone?"

I blinked rapidly. "Sorry, long night." I shook my head, trying to clear it. "I was just looking over my schedule."

The little man nodded. "Very well. I am Professor Flitwick, the Head of Ravenclaw House. Welcome to the home of the wise, Miss Harkstone. I was delighted when the Sorting Hat placed you here. I was a near Hatstall myself. Took that poor old hat three minutes to decide where to put me."

My heart pounded. So I wasn't the only one? "Which was your other House?" I said faintly, hardly daring to believe it.

Professor Flitwick grinned. "Gryffindor. Can you believe it? I could be in the same shoes as good old Professor McGongall!"

His smile faded like morning mist. His eyes darted around the room nervously. "Don't… don't mention that to her. Please."

"What?" I asked. "The part about not wanting to be in her House?"

He shook his head. "No, no. The part where I said she was old."

Faintly amused, I smiled back. "I won't."

Professor Flitwick nodded to himself, but still looked slightly haunted. "Very well, then… Good. Yes. You ought to hurry down to breakfast before your first class, Miss. You wouldn't want to go throughout your morning without a good meal."

Though the idea of food made my stomach rebel, I gave him a small smile. "Yes, Professor. Thank you." Leaving him and the common room behind, I hurried outside and pressed myself close to the wall as I descended the tight spiral staircase. My palms sweated the whole way down. Why had they removed the railings? Someone was going to fall.

Breathing a sigh of relief at the last step, I hurried down the corridors, trying my best to remember the way from last night. I fell into step behind three girls talking loudly to each other, clearly older and more confident than first years. At least they had experience and knew where they were going.

I went unnoticed all the way into the Great Hall. I was late for breakfast and most of the food was already eaten. Students lingered, greeting one another and enjoying their daily morning cup of gossip with their pumpkin juice. I poured myself a glass of pumpkin juice and selected a lone croissant and nibbled it while I read a discarded copy of the Daily Prophet.

The Ministry of Magic was in the process of trying to pass a new bill that would outlaw the usage of anything other than a wand as use for conducting magic. I thought back to the giant who had used his umbrella rather than a wand. What would he think of such a law? Would he obey it?

Another section of the paper, the opinions, contained an article written about the threat of You-Know-Who. _He Who Must Not Be Named bears a grudge against anyone he sees as unfit, even if his world view is completely demented and twisted. _The writer, Vincent Backe, wrote. _Though many believe him to be no threat, other than a madman, I know better. He is a terrorist, a man who is completely sane and aware of what he is doing. He is not crazy. He is pure evil. And we would all do well to prepare ourselves for the coming war._

The writer only had another two small paragraphs. It was a meager space for his writing. It seemed that the staff writers on the Daily Prophet weren't taking Mr. Backe too seriously. I glanced at the laughing, boisterous students of Hogwarts. They didn't seem too concerned either.

I wasn't sure what to believe. Was Mr. Backe paranoid, or did he have a point? I shivered. I hoped he was wrong, for safety's sake. But I had a feeling he wasn't completely off his hunch. I had heard Dad speaking quietly to Mum about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named sometimes at night when I overheard them in the sunporch. Dad said that he was a force to be reckoned with, a blip on the radar to be taken seriously. Mum had waved him off and accused him of a conspiracy theory.

I flipped the page to the advice section. _Dear Penelope_ dispensed two daily columns of wisdom. Today, a reader wrote about her trouble with pixies terrorizing her garden and chickens. _They're incorrigible. _She had complained. _They just won't stop. Please, I'm at my wits' and mental end. I need a solution for my poor farm!_

I sniggered at Penelope's response, which recommended hiring a specialist to rid her of the pesky pixies. "That's easy." I muttered to myself. "Just get a barn cat or two, and they'll chase off the pixies or eat them."

I set the paper down, finishing my croissant and glass of juice, and rose. Other students were on their feet as well, filing out the hall on their way to their first classes. Suddenly distressed, I hurried toward any adult I could find. I recognized Professor McGongall from yesterday and raced to her side.

Her sharp eyes zeroed in on me. "Problem, Miss Harkstone?"

I held up my parchment. "My first class is Potions, but I don't know where that is."

Sighing, she waved her arm. "You, yes, you! Come over here, please. Yes, thank you."

A bolt of familiarity struck me as the student approached. He was smiling as he halted at McGonagall's side. "What can I do for you, Professor?"

She gestured to me. "Locke, this is Amber Harkstone. She's a first year and needs guidance to her first class with Professor Slughorn. Would you mind escorting her? I can write you a note for your first class."

Sean Locke nodded. "No problem, Professor. I'm sure Professor Sprout won't miss me too long."

Professor McGonagall nodded stiffly and headed off briskly, leaving us alone.

My face burned as Sean offered his hand to shake. I took it and shook, obliged.

His eyes widened in pleasant surprise. "You've got a killer grip for such a small girl."

I shrugged off the initial offense. "I'm a girl. Some of us are naturally tough."

Sean laughed, falling into step beside me as we walked down the hallway. "We met yesterday. I'm not sure if you remember."

Oh, I remembered all right, but I didn't want him to know how I should have been a Hufflepuff. I tried not to think of how my parents, namely my mother, would react when they learned the news. "Yeah. It was a crazy night."

"I'm sure it was. It always is for first years. Here, let me take those for you." Before I could protest, Sean took my stack of books into his arms. Unused to such chivalry, I was at a loss for words.

"So at least I finally get to know your name. Amber, right?"

I nodded. "Harkstone."

"I got that too. It's nice to put a name to a face, you know?"

I nodded again. The less words I spoke, the better. I just wanted to get to class. "So, Potions…?"

Sean smiled. "Slughorn is a hoot, I'm telling you. He's a little zany but he's brilliant. Probably the finest potion maker of his time. I bet he could even make the elixir of life, if he put his mind to it."

We descended two flights of stairs. The air was noticeably colder and staler. There weren't any windows down here, either. I bit my lit, feeling the first strains of claustrophobia.

"He loves crystallized pineapple and oak mead." Sean added. "In case you ever need a favor or a fixed grade from him. I'm in the Slug Club. Maybe you will be, too."

"I'm not sure. I'm not much a math girl." I admitted.

"You seem like a smart girl. You must be, if you were Sorted into Ravenclaw." He swept into an open doorway, leaving me floored. He wasn't going to give me a quiet sendoff. No, he was going to come right into class with me.

Face burning, I kept my face trained on the stone ground and followed him. He stopped at the first row of tables and set my stack of heavy books down. "Well, here you are." He smiled again. "By the way, a spell to lighten the load is the feather-light charm. It's _leve pondus. _Try it sometime."

"I will." I promised, grateful for the helpful hint.

Sean beamed and turned to leave. A man's voice boomed at him. "Why, Mr. Locke! I knew you'd want to repeat my course, you silly boy."

I turned at the sound. A portly aging man with a large nose and larger waistline was grinning at Sean. Sean waved at him. "Good to see you, Professor."

"Have a good summer, I take it?" The professor asked. "How's Bernard doing?"

"Excellently, excellently, Professor. I won't take up more of your teaching time."

The professor chuckled. "I had better see you in my class later, Locke. Our first meeting's date and location will arrive for you shortly!"

Locke smiled at him, waved at him, and then me, and left.

"Amber!"

My head whipped around at the familiar voice. Lily was sitting beside me!

I felt a rush of relief. Finally, someone I knew. Someone I could sit with for hours and be comfortable with. I almost hugged her, but stopped myself. She would be too weirded out by that.

Her bright green eyes were full of mischief. "Your first day and you already have a boyfriend?"

Heat surged to my face like fire. "No! No, I hardly know him. He's in Hufflepuff, maybe he knows about how my family was, too, and that's why he's friendly. I don't know." I hid my burning face in my hands.

Laughing, Lily tugged my arm. "He's really cute, Amber. But a little too old. Maybe in a few years."

I shook my head. "Maybe never." I never wanted to settle down. I didn't want to be miserable like Mum and Dad were, slaves to their own marriage.

Lily flipped open her textbook. "This looks so interesting. Doesn't it, Amber?"

I leaned over, reading along with her. "It does. Look, it says you can even make luck."

"Or love potions." Lily said dreamily. When I shot her an irritated laugh, she burst out laughing.

"Don't worry, Amber. I'm not into boys yet. All of the boys our age are total jerks! Especially…"

She shook her head. "Never mind. I shouldn't speak of it."

Curious, I asked, "Who?"

Lily sighed. "Two boys who teased Sev on the train. I don't know their names. But I think I heard them at the Sorting."

I felt a rise of disgust. So it hadn't just been me. Those two were bullies.

"James Potter and Sirius Black." I spat. "I know them."

She turned her head, intrigued. "How so?"

I quickly told her about what they had done to me on the train when I had been stuck in their compartment. Rage filled her pretty face.

"How awful! Don't worry Amber. We'll learn charms for them. I'll bet there's a charm for making one mute."

"Or we could hex them." I mused. "A good dose of invisibility for their clothes. They won't know what hit them."

Lily laughed. "You're so wicked, Amber."

Professor Slughorn waved a hand, hushing the chattering students. "Welcome, first years! Potion-making is an ancient art that requires skill, careful attention, and dedication in order to succeed. Now, today, we won't start brewing anything. For the first week we'll start by doing some reading and have a small quiz for review. In two weeks we will delve into our first potion, an antidote for a common poison. As for now, please open your textbooks to page four."

Lily and I shared a copy of the book for the next hour while Professor Slughorn asked for volunteers to read different paragraphs. So far, the class hadn't been intimidating at all. Only introductory.

When he dismissed us for the day, I left feeling better than I had in a week. My next two classes went just as well. As I walked to lunch, I wondered why had I become so anxious about my classes. The teachers didn't seem to be hellbent on sending me to the dungeons for not knowing the answer. Contrary, they seemed to genuinely care about their students and wanted them to succeed. Already, I felt lighter.

Lily and I cheated the system, and I had lunch with her at the Gryffindor table. I drew several curious looks and less irritated ones.

"They know I'm a Ravenclaw." I said as I ate a spoonful of fruit parfait. "It's the tie."

Lily shook her head. "You're welcome here. We're all Hogwarts students."

I could feel someone watching me as I ate. I turned, scanning the faces of students, trying to make eye contact with anyone. But I didn't. Uneasy, I returned to eating my light lunch. The unseen gaze was burning holes into my back.

"I think someone's watching me." I muttered. "I hope it's not a teacher."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh, calm down, Amber. If you need to, just tell them you were over here helping me with a problem."

"For what?" I asked, crunching my granola loudly.

Lily shrugged. "Say you were helping me memorize the most important ingredients in potion making."

"Which are…?" I trailed off as two boys approached and rudely pushed between us. One boy sandwiched himself between me and Amber. The other, who didn't wear glasses, leaned against the edge of the table.

"Thought we'd drop by." The boy with the glasses, James, said. "And remind you of a few things."

"Oh, joy." Lily said dryly.

I rolled my eyes. "Go away, Four Eyes."

"Four Eyes?" James said mockingly. Sirius snickered. "That's harsh for a Ravenclaw. I thought you were supposed to be nice."

"Hey, James." Sirius said suddenly. "I just remembered something."

"Your brain?" Lily snipped, earning a chuckle from me.

"I think I remember too, Sirius." James drawled. He fixed his cold hazel eyes on me. "I think it was policy about tables. Something we learned in History of Magic today."

"I remember too, James." Sirius said. "It was about how separate tables are supposed to _stay _at their tables. Not cross to others."

"No fraternizing allowed." James reaffirmed.

"Wow, that's a big word." I mocked. "You must have memorized a dictionary. Can you _spell _fraternizing?"

James shot Sirius a look. "Of course I can. I'm not stupid."

"Really?" Lily said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Because you sure look it."

"Ouch!" Sirius grinned. James looked unruffled.

I could feel anger bubbling up, just below the surface. My patience with the duo was fast ending. "Go back to your end of the table. We aren't bothering anyone."

"You're bothering Miranda Goshawk." James rebuked. "_And _the laws of Hogwarts. Didn't the Headmaster _just _talk about respecting the morals and values of his school last night?"

"Didn't your mother ever tell you to mind your own business?" I snapped.

"Watch out James, she might cry again." Sirius joked.

Hurt and embarrassment threatened to overshadow the anger. _Stay angry. Stay in control. _"I have just as much right to be at this table as you both do."

The two boys exchanged a look that said _She's nuts. _"Really. Enlighten us." Said James.

"Amber, we can sit at your table. I'm sure the other Ravenclaws wouldn't mind me."

I shook my head, ignoring her. "Don't you two dunderheads wonder why the Sorting Hat took so long with me last night?"

"Because it wanted to send you home to wherever hick town you came from?" James offered. Sirius slapped his knee.

I bit back tears. "Because the Hat couldn't decide whether or not to put me in Ravenclaw or Gryffindor." I let the information sink in before I went on. "I could have been a Gryffindor just as easily as a Ravenclaw. So, please shut up, go away, and let me finish my breakfast in peace."

Lily looked thrilled. James and Sirius looked dubious. "That's such a lie." James bumbled. "Sorting Hats don't stall."

"Not for everyone." I replied airily. All the bravado was being directed from what I had learned from Angelina last night. "They do every fifty years or so."

"Well, you're still a two-sided moron." Sirius said. "I guess this doubles your freakishness."

"That doesn't make any sense!" Lily exclaimed.

"Stupid, I'm telling you." I sipped my tea, hoping my sheen of tears didn't show. "Probably couldn't spell 'orange' if his life depended on it."

"I can, too!" James snapped.

"Then prove it."

James looked like a deer in headlights. "I don't have to prove anything to you, _Rocky._ What kind of name is Amber Harkstone, anyway?"

"A good one, you horrible toerag!" Lily fired back. "Leave us alone or I'm getting Professor McGonagall."

"She can't do anything to us." Sirius said loftily, but he looked a little uncertain.

Lily rose. "Professor-"

"Alright, fine!" James said exasperatedly. "Enjoy your breakfast, traitor." He brushed against me roughly and left with Sirius in tow.

Lily glared after them, slowly sitting down, an angry cobra relaxing. "I hate those two. They're complete _arses_."

I blinked hard. Two tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Amber?" Lily said, her voice suddenly concerned. "Amber, are you alright?"

I passed a shaking hand over my face, the bravado replaced by sorrow and confusion. "I'm fine." I lied, though inside I was shaking with rage and hurt. What had I ever done to them? "I'm just sick of their attitudes."

"Me too." Lily put a comforting arm on my shoulder. "They were awful to Sev, too. But that was much worse." She looked troubled. "Maybe we _should _tell Professor McGonagall. She can give them detention or something."

I sighed wearily. "I don't think that would do anything." Besides, I didn't want to become a teacher's pet _and _a traitor on my first day. "It's fine, Lily. I'll learn that hex."

"Me too." She said determinedly. "And I'll learn how to transfigure into Professor McGonagall to scare their robes off."

I smiled through my inner pain. "And I'll become a dragon animagi."

Lily looked confused. "A what?"

"Never mind." I drained the rest of my tea, now lukewarm, and set the empty cup back on its saucer. "Why doesn't Severus sit here too?"

At the mention of his name, Lily looked sad. "Well… He's a Slytherin. He says that Gryffindors and Slytherins are sworn enemies."

"Rivals, more like it." I didn't want to think about any more fighting. It was too exhausting.

Lily looked worried. "Are you sure you're alright, Amber?"

So she wasn't fooled by my guise. Not completely. I gave her a bigger smile. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I have two sisters at home. I'm used to cruel words."

Lily nodded. "I get that part completely. Tuney is good practice for those two."

Lily and I shared another class, Defense Against the Dark Arts, as well as Potions. But for my final class, Transfiguration, I was stuck in the lovely company of Sirius Black and James Potter.

When I saw them as I entered the room, I pretended they had never entered my field of vision and sat as far from them as possible. Which was right at the front desk. I could hear them talking quietly in the back. After two minutes of this, I saw something fly overhead and strike flesh. There was an audible moan of pain.

The entire class stared at the front of the room. A silver cat, perched on the desk, had disappeared. But in its place was Professor McGonagall. She was staring at the back of the room the way a lioness would watch a gazelle.

"You and I are going to have a very long year together, Mr. Black." She said icily. The entire room was silent. "Would you care for another eraser thrown at your head, or a Saturday's detention for your next interruption?"

I kept my back turned to them, but I could hear Sirius grumbling. "Sorry."

"Sorry, _ma'am._" Professor McGongall corrected.

There was a beat of rebellious silence. "Sorry, _ma'am_." Sirius conceded. James echoed him.

She nodded once, curtly. "I expect you to pay attention, boys, or I shall separate you."

I felt a clench of fear in my stomach. _Please, no. _I wanted to be as far from them as possible.

Professor McGonagall gave them one final glare, and then began her lesson. She was the only professor who assigned homework for the first night of class, earning groans from everyone but me. I welcomed the chance to delve into literature.

Transfiguration was my last class of the day. I skipped dinner and instead went back to the Ravenclaw tower, where I knew I would have a quiet place to study. The library appealed to me too, but I had a feeling that the librarian would ask why I wasn't at dinner.

The eagle knocker said, "What is light as a feather, but even the world's strongest Muggle can't hold for more than a minute?"

I paused. An elephant? A crisis?

I exhaled, and inspiration struck. "His breath!"

"Very good. Quick, too." The door swung open.

The circular common room was deserted. Outside, the sun was hanging low in the sky, casting warm light over the grounds of Hogwarts and the surrounding wilderness. Two blackbirds glided between towers. I smiled, watching the aerial display.

When I had drunk in my fill of the beautiful view, I sat down on a plushy armchair and opened my textbook to _A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration. _Professor McGonagall had only assigned the first two chapters, but as I absorbed the material, I lost track of time. It was another two hours before I realized I was not alone in the common room.

The sun had fully set by then, and blackness covered the windows. It must have clouded up. A fire had crackled to life in the hearth without me even noticing. The lamps were lit. And someone stood by the windows, back facing me.

Unease made me carefully close my book. I was sure it was a student, but a chill spread from my neck to the base of my spine. I remembered that I had my wand in my pocket. I slowly placed my hand over it, fingers curling around the hard wood. I coughed quietly, hoping to draw the person's attention.

It worked.

The figure turned slowly, like a door creaking open on broken hinges. Cold fear spread from my stomach into my feet. I was alone with this person, this stranger.

It was a teenage boy with a stubbled black hair. I didn't see a colored tie on his neck indicating his House. He stared at me with cold, lifeless eyes. He did not blink.

I stared back, frozen. The hairs on the back of my neck rose. _Run, Amber. _

But my legs were dead weights beneath me. I could only stare at him.

The student blinked, after a minute of unbearable silence. The entire room went pitch black. Panic threatened to overcome me, but a second later, the light was back. But the student was gone.

Shaken, I sprang to my shaky feet, wand drawn out. I searched the common room for him carefully, thoroughly, but could not find a single trace. I wondered if I had fallen asleep and had a brief nightmare.

Footsteps echoed up the steps, and I pointed my wand at the door, terrified, but a gaggle of Ravenclaws entered, talking merrily and completely unaware of my plight. I forced my hand down, but didn't stow my wand.

"Relax, first year," an older Ravenclaw boy said, "It's just us. Only Ravenclaws can get in. Others are too stupid."

I nodded silently. I was suddenly very afraid of my bedroom. Would the man be hiding there? Was he waiting for me?

I waited for several other first years to loudly enter the bedrooms before I dared set foot inside. Something inside of me was quaking; the cold fear had spread to my heart. Hand gripping my wand beneath my robes, I crept up the spiral staircase into the dorms. Three girls were in the midst of preparing for bed. There was no sign of an intruder.

One girl looked over. "Something wrong, Amber?"

I stared at her, then the curtains, hanging over every bed, every window. After a pause, I said quietly, "Nothing. Sorry."

She smiled, friendly. "Maybe you should try and sleep. You don't look so good."

My heart constricted at her words. "I'm fine." I lied, slinking off to the bathroom. It too was empty.

I shut the door to one of the stalls and sat on the toilet lid, burying my face in my hands. I shook hard with suppressed sobs. Was I losing my mind? Had there really been a strange man in the common room? Or had it been a mean trick? Maybe it was a ghost. Or maybe it was a senior student hazing me.

But a small voice inside told me that it _had _been someone. Someone who had meant to harm me.

So why hadn't they?

Shuddering, I rose from the toilet and went back into the common room. Several students remained, most talking and joking by the fireplace. Everyone had textbooks open. Trembling, I lowered myself into an armchair, eyes scanning the round room again and again, wondering if the figure would reappear.

Fifteen minutes went by, and then another. Finally, after forty-five minutes, I gave up. Returning to my room, I quietly picked up my book on Charms and tried reading. I could only pay attention for a few moments before the fear was back, bringing with it the feeling of being watched. I drew the blue curtains around my bed and held my wand tightly. I flipped through the pages and caught the word 'protective charms'.

_**Protego**__: The basic spell cast for protection. It can be used to deflect, reflect, or block attacks. Protego can even be used as an indefinite shield, with the charm __**Protego Maxima. **__This charm requires moderate difficulty. Casters should be aware of backfiring if spell is not properly cast._

"That's reassuring." I muttered, but the persistent feeling of being stalked wouldn't ease. In fact, as more girls drifted into sleep, it plagued me more. I couldn't help but feel as if whatever this was, it was waiting for me to be alone and unprotected again.

Maybe this time it wouldn't be so merciful.

Swallowing hard, I waved my wand in a small circle and made a slash down the middle, the same as the diagram showed. "_Protego._" I whispered. A tiny blue screen flickered and died before my eyes.

I closed my eyes briefly and concentrated on creating a large shield around my bed. "_Protego._" I whispered again. The iridescent blue light expanded, held for a moment longer, and then fizzled out.

Determination made me want to continue. Part of me knew I could call for help from a professor, but what if it turned out it was nothing more than a prank, or worse, my own imagination? How awful would that look, on my first real day at Hogwarts, being sent to St. Mungo's for a psychotic episode?

Exhaling deeply, I repeated the spell ten more times. Each time, it became more pronounced. "_Protego!" _I whispered fiercely, and the blue completely encased my bed like a blue dome. The light faded slowly.

Cursing under my breath, I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, ready to prepare for bed, when I hit a wall. Strange. I had thought the wall was on the other side of the bed.

I tried again. I blinked, realizing that there was _no _wall. It was just air. But the air was completely solid.

My heart began to beat fast. I reached out a hand cautiously against the air. Slowly, my hand pressed against an invisible but unmoving force. I pushed with all my might, but the wall wouldn't give.

The fear melted away like ice in summer. Relief and triumph made me want to weep. I had cast my first protection charm, and it was holding!

_At least for now._

Well, at least I would be able to fall asleep. Opening the textbook, I read more about charms and spells. My eyes grew heavy and tired from their constant movement. Yawning, I closed the book quietly and tested the invisible wall again. It held.

Smiling to myself, I slipped underneath the covers and tucked them under my chin. _See? _I thought to myself sleepily. _You made a big scare out of nothing. It was either a sixth year hazing me, or just a day nightmare. I need to sleep more._

I left the lamp on. Just before I drifted off to sleep, I thought I caught the faint scent of wet dog.

* * *

><p>Footsteps padded softly across the floor of the first year girls' dormitory. The room was dimly lit from one side, partially blocked by pale blue drapes. It cast a soft, warm glow across the floor. All of the girls were asleep in their beds. Even the Harkstone girl.<p>

From where he stood, he could watch her eyelids flutter in her sleep. She didn't seem too troubled. Nervous, maybe, but not terrified. She would have done well in Gryffindor with her bravery, but the Sorting Hat had made the right choice. That girl never was without a book. Half of the time, she was reading one.

The figure approached the bed, his wand held loosely in his left hand. He came within inches of the bedside, close enough to reach out and touch her…

His hand abruptly stopped. There was an invisible force blocking him from her.

Grimacing in an ugly half-smile, the man gave a small laugh that came out as a puff of air. The girl was very talented, there was no doubt about that. She had cast her own protective charms, had she? And on her first day. Not bad. Not bad at all for a Harkstone.

The man stood still, his gaze trained on the sleeping girl. It wasn't until another eleven-year-old rose sleepily for the bathroom that he disappeared, gone as quickly as a ghost.

The air still smelled faintly of dirt and sweat. And even more faintly: Blood.


	5. Chapter Four: A Bad Decision

**Chapter Four  
>A Bad Decision<strong>

The following weeks of September were filled with hours spent in classrooms and textbooks. All of the teachers followed Professor McGonagall's example and began assigning daily homework. Most of them required light reading, but I found myself reading ahead each day, and near the end of the month, I had finished each textbook, front to back. Drunk on my new knowledge, I was the first to unfailingly raise my hand in class to give the answers. At first it stunned and impressed my teachers and classmates, but it was short-lived as students began calling me a 'show-off' and 'teacher's pet'. Even my professors gently asked me to 'give the other students a chance to speak'. Half of the time, the students' answers were incorrect, to which I would quickly supply the right answer. More than half of the time, this drew rolled eyes or groans of annoyance. I ignored them all. I wanted to impress my teachers and do my absolute best at Hogwarts. Mother would accept nothing less than perfection.

One afternoon while Lily and I were in the library doing homework in the beginning of October, she cleared her throat loudly. I glanced up from my copy of _Advanced Charms for Starters_, placing my finger on the opened spine so that I wouldn't lose my place. "Hmm?"

Lily looked exasperated. "Amber, this is getting a little out of hand."

"What is?" I asked innocently, my gaze already drawn back to the alluring pages of the book.

Lily rolled her eyes. "That! What you're doing right now!"

"Doing what?" I said vaguely, lost in the paragraph about the Color-Changing Charm. I wondered how my honey-blonde hair would look in cotton-candy pink instead.

"_That_!" Lily cried, tugging the book away. I scrabbled for it, but she held it out of arm's reach. "Give it back, Lily. I was just studying."

She shook her head. "You weren't studying. You're doing more entertainment reading. You have an addiction to books, Amber. I don't think it's healthy."

I felt the first twinges of annoyance. "Come on, Lily. Give it back, please."

Her green eyes sparked. "I'm worried about you, Amber."

Rolling my eyes, I reached for the book againb. Lily pushed it farther away.

"Come on, enough. I'm not done with this chapter."

Lily leaned closer, so that I could see the darker green flecks of color in her leafy eyes. She didn't look angry. She looked concerned and determined. "Amber, just talk to me for a minute. You hardly talk at all."

A flush worked its way into my face. I could feel the heat on my skin. "I don't have much to say." But I did. I _wanted_ to talk to people. But they would shoot me down for my ideas. They would laugh at me, call me names, or hassle me. Just like James and Sirius did. They wouldn't take what I had to say for truth or meaning. They would just walk away. _Talk is cheap, Amber. _Mum had said when I was a little girl telling her about my first day in the second grade at the local Muggle school. I had never forgotten it.

I tried looking away from her burning gaze, but it followed me. Lily had me pinned with her gaze like a spider with a fly in its web. I couldn't escape. Not until she had gotten what she wanted.

"Amber, I get that you're shy. Or that you just don't want to talk. But I don't think it's just that. I _know _you want to interact."

"I like books." I said defensively. "I like reading."

"Yes, I get that." Lily validated. "But you're not hearing me. You _hide _in your books. This last month, have you ever even been to any of the extracurriculars? Professor Flitwick mentioned he's looking for more choir singers."

Did she really need to talk to me about this? I just wanted to read. "I can't sing."

"Well, you should at least try. Let him be the judge of that. Or, you could try out for Quidditch."

I made a face. "They never let first years onto the team."

Lily let out an exasperated sigh. "Yes, but how do you know unless you try? If you're good, they'll bend the rules." She gave me a meaningful look. "At least try something, Amber. Please. It's not good that all you do is read and go to class. There's more to Hogwarts than that."

Was there? It was a boarding school, not summer camp. I nodded once and reached for my book again. "Can I finish reading please?"

"Only if you promise to try at least _one _extracurricular. It's not good for you to be so disconnected."

Lily was dead set on this. I sighed in defeat. "Fine. I'll try out for something. But I probably won't get in."

Lily smiled widely, triumphant. "Great! I want to hear about it, Amber. I mean it."

I knew Lily would hound me until I did what she asked, so the next day I made my way down to Professor Flitwick's classroom. He was busily scrawling down notes with a quill on a roll of parchment. He looked up as I approached his desk. "Miss Harkstone! What brings you to my office?" He seemed open, friendly.

I offered him a small smile. "I was hoping I could try out for the school choir."

Professor Flitwick's smile broadened. "Of course, of course! We're always looking for more singers in our choir. We meet Mondays, Thursdays, and Sundays at five p.m. in the Great Hall. We have dinner right after. Practice runs for one hour."

"What about auditions?"

Professor Flitwick smiled. "Well, those were two weeks ago."

I felt a small stab of disappointment, like a pinprick in a balloon. I deflated slightly. "Oh." Despite my aversion to extracurriculars, I was discouraged. A tiny part of me was looking forward to being a part of a group outside of class.

Professor Flitwick nodded. "Yes, you missed the deadline. But we'll never turn down new members. In fact, you can audition right now."

I felt heat creep into my face. "What?"

Professor Flitwick set down his quill. He smiled at me expectantly. "You can audition here. I am the conductor, after all!" He gave a light titter.

My heart was sprinting, as if it could escape this scrutinizing performance. Already, my palms were slick with nervous sweat. "I don't know."

Professor Flitwick shrugged. "Don't worry about it, Miss Harkstone. Just sing."

But my throat was so tight that my voice felt like a violin string, pulled taut enough to snap. "I don't think I can sing right now." I said in a quavering voice.

Professor Flitwick nodded again, looking sympathetic. "It's alright, dear. Maybe you can try again when you feel ready."

A part of me protested at cowing at a challenge. I wanted to look my fear dead in the eyes and say _No! I will do this. You can't win!_ Taking a deep breath, I sat down at a desk near the door while Professor Flitwick bowed his head and went back to composing his notes for his next lesson. I listened to the sound of his quill scratching into the soft, oily surface of the parchment. The grandfather clock behind him swung back and forth, the pendulum clucking with each swing. It kept time like a metronome.

I opened my mouth and softly began to sing.

_Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace;_

_Where there is hatred, let me sow love;_

_Where there is injury, pardon;_

_Where there is discord, harmony;_

_Where there is error, truth;_

_Where there is doubt, faith;_

_Where there is despair, hope;_

_Where there is darkness, light;_

_And where there is sadness, joy._

_O Divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek_

_To be consoled as to console;_

_To be understood as to understand;_

_To be loved as to love._

_For it is in giving that we receive;_

_It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;_

_And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen…_

My voice shook at the beginning, but as I finished each line, my timbre eased and steadied. I finished quietly on the last word, drawing it out with a vibrato. I kept my head down, studying my black robes and their many folds. I couldn't dare to meet Professor Flitwick's eyes. After all, how many students had the gall to use a song from church?

The room had quieted. The grandfather clock still ticked, but the scrabbling quill pen had stopped. After several beats of silence, I rose to my feet and started for the door. At least I had tried.

"Practice is at five on those days, Miss Harkstone." Professor Flitwick said from behind me. "Don't be late."

I turned and faced the Head of my House. He looked at me curiously. I felt as if I was glowing at his approval.

"I'll see you at five tomorrow night." I promised, and swept out of the door.

Later that evening in the Great Hall, Lily joined me at the Ravenclaw table, sandwiched between me and Angelina Azadian, who was kind enough to stand up two weeks prior for her when one Ravenclaw reminded us of the no-shared-tables rule. "We're creating alliances between the Houses," Angelina had remarked, "and that gives us two legs up on Slytherin for the House Cup."

Slytherin had won the House Cup for the past two years. Hufflepuff had won three years running before that. Gryffindor and Ravenclaw were shamefully behind.

"We'll dethrone them." Lily promised. "Unless Ravenclaw can come up with enough points."

Ravenclaw was in third place this year. Gryffindor was last, thanks to James and Sirius's antics constantly costing them points.

"Did you try?" Lily asked me over a plate of salad. She didn't have to specify.

"I did." I said as I swallowed a spoonful of rice and mushroom soup.

"Did what?" Angelina questioned as she poured herself a glass of icy water.

I shook my head self-deprecatingly. "I tried out for the school choir."

Angelina's eyes lit up. "I didn't know you could sing!"

I shrugged. "I can't. Not that well."

"Well enough!" Lily jumped in. "You're an amazing singer, Amber. I've overheard you."

Heat rushed to my face. "You have?" I had never sung in front of her. Not that I knew of.

She was grinning. "Of course. You sing when you study sometimes. Or when you read. You just never notice it."

"Brilliant." I moaned, hiding my face in my arms.

"I want to hear you!" Angelina encouraged. She was on the verge of transitioning from acquaintance to friend.

I shook my head hard, rubbing my forehead against the sleeves of my robes. "Not ever."

"You will at concerts, Angelina." Lily reminded her. "Amber is very humble."

"I'm not that either." I mumbled from my arms. "I'm just…"

"The top of our class?" Lily offered.

"Noooo…"

"Brilliant?"

"Noooo…"

"Talented?"

"I'm just… Amber."

Lily and Angelina laughed.

I raised my head and finished my soup. There was the sound of wings fluttering overhead, and I looked up just in time to see a white envelope drop onto Lily's empty plate.

Her eyes brightened as she tore open the letter, her eyes scanning the lines eagerly. Her smile faded as she reached the bottom.

"What's wrong?" I asked, concerned.

She set the letter down, a sad look on her pretty face. "Petunia still hasn't written to me. It's just my parents." At my own dismal expression, she looked mortified. "I'm so sorry, Amber. I didn't mean it that way."

The tide of sorrow rose up in me again, extinguishing my joy over choir acceptance. "It's fine, Lily. It isn't a big deal." My own parents hadn't written me a single letter since my arrival at Hogwarts. And I had been here for over a month.

Lily looked melancholy. "It isn't fair that they don't write you, Amber."

"They're busy." I said, making excuses for them. Dad really was busy with the Ministry, and I knew Mum would be devoting a hundred and fifty percent of herself to Virginia. Of course, that meant no time to write a quick letter to her firstborn.

"Wait." Angelina piped up. "That's your owl, Amber. He's coming this way."

I frowned. "What?" She must be mistaken. Soren never flew down for me. He never had anything to give me.

But Angelina was right. A white square was clenched in the black beak of my barn owl. He flared his snowy wings and landed on the table, knocking over an empty glass and steadying himself with his brown flecked tail.

"Still working on flying, I see." I remarked to the young owl, who nipped my finger playfully as I pulled the letter free from his mouth.

"Is it from your parents?" Lily asked, looking anxious.

I shared her feeling of apprehension. My hands shook slightly as I opened the top of the envelope. "I think so." I pulled out a small folded sheet of paper. Written inside was a messy child's scrawl.

**_Dear Amber,_**

**_Hi! It's Naomi. Mum said that you were probably too busy for letters, but I wanted to write you one anyway. Romulus chased off two coyotes so Dad put up more spells. We are getting another cat soon because we have lots of pixies and they are annoying. I really like my P.E. class at school. I painted a picture of our family and I want you to see it when you come home for Christmas. Mum said you might have too much studying to do for Christmas and will probably have to stay at Hogwarts. I hope she is wrong. I want you to come home._**

**_Virginia says hi. She isn't feeling well. Mum moved her bed into her room and moved Dad into Virginia's old room so she could take care of her. Mummy didn't want me to tell you this but I am telling you anyway. I think it's weird but Virginia coughs a lot and can't sleep unless Mummy is there and gives her special medicine._**

**_I hope we don't have to send her away to a hospital._**

**_Please write back soon. I miss you so much. I am going to cry now. Bye._**

**_Naomi Heather Harkstone_**

**_P.S. I love you_**

I let the letter flutter back onto the table. Soren was helping himself to a leftover bowl of rice.

"What's the matter?" Lily said quietly. "You look sad."

I blinked hard, trying to force the tears back. I hadn't heard from home in a month. Not from my parents. But from my little six-year-old sister, who was smart enough to spell every word correctly but who didn't know why things were the way they were. Especially with Virginia.

I closed my eyes, feeling sick. So Mum was finally considering putting my younger sister into a hospital. I wondered if Mum would go with her and leave Naomi alone.

"Amber?" Lily asked. "Are you alright?"

I bit my lip hard. "I'm fine, Lily." I lied. I was crushed by a wave of homesickness so strong that it nearly suffocated me. _Get a grip, Amber. It was just a letter. Not a death sentence. Everything is okay._

It had been so easy to pretend my life was idyll when I was here, learning and reading. I hadn't had to consider Virginia's failing health or my family's dangerous alienation from one another. And I hadn't heard so much as a word from Mum.

Lily reached for my arm. "I'm sorry, Amber."

"I'm-"

"SIRIUS BLACK!"

The female voice split the air like thunder; the entire Great Hall fell silent as a graveyard. A moment later, a fork clattered to a plate. I whirled around, zeroing in on the perpetrator: the lanky boy with dark hair and dark eyes. The bane of Professor McGonagall. Sirius Black.

But this time it wasn't Professor McGonagall who was giving him a good tongue-lashing. This voice was female but unfamiliar. In Sirius's hand was a blood-red letter, which yanked itself free from his grip and curved into a mouth with huge red lips and gleaming white teeth made out of the paper bent into a snarl. For once, Sirius actually looked scared.

"HOW DARE YOU BETRAY OUR FAMILY LIKE THIS?! YOU HAVE BROUGHT SHAME UPON MY FAMILY FOR BEING SORTED INTO A HOUSE OTHER THAN SLYTHERIN. A GRYFFINDOR, IN THE LINE OF PHINEAS NIGELLUS BLACK? HE IS ROLLING IN HIS GRAVE AT YOUR DISLOYALTY! IF YOU THINK CHOOSING BRAWNS OVER BRAINS IS GOING TO GET YOU ANYWHERE IN LIFE, YOU ARE HORRIBLY MISTAKEN, SIRIUS BLACK! YOUR FATHER HAS THE MIND TO PUT YOU ON THE TRAIN STRAIGHT HOME! I HAVE NOT DECIDED, BUT YOU WILL KNOW WHEN I DO!

The letter spat ink in his face, and then ripped itself to shreds on his plate of half-eaten dinner. He exchanged a look with James Potter, who sat to his right.

They both burst into laughter.

Two boys flanking them did as well. Gradually, the rest of the Great Hall returned to its normal noise and atmosphere, though several students shot Sirius Black curious looks. Professor McGonagall's gaze did not leave Sirius Black from the moment he received his shrieking letter.

"What was _that?" _Angelina exclaimed as James playfully threw shreds of paper at Sirius.

"That was a Howler." I said gravely. "They're recorded messages. Usually when people are too angry for just writing words. It gets the point across." I wrinkled my nose at Sirius's jolly demeanor. "Usually."

"You read too much." Lily joked, plucking a strawberry from a plate. Soren helped himself to them.

"At least I'll ace my tests." I countered.

"If you're not careful, I'll have to consider that a challenge." Lily teased, eyes gleaming.

Angelina nodded toward the laughing boys, who were enjoying their breakfast after the loud interruption by Sirius's supposed mother. A boy beside them with light brown hair and green eyes was watching us. He looked away quickly when the three of us turned to look back at him.

"Who's that?" Lily wondered.

"Hopefully, nothing like those two." I muttered darkly as Sirius and James chugged sparkling water and had a belching contest. They both received black looks from McGonagall from the other side of the room.

"Disgusting." Angelina added.

Rolling my eyes at the display, I picked up my book bag and rose to my feet. "I'll see you later, guys." I said.

Lily followed me. "I'll come with you. I'm done with breakfast anyway."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw James Potter watch Lily. I frowned. "I think James has a crush on you."

Lily made a gagging sound. "He's revolting. I'd rather have Frank Longbottom have a crush on me."

Frank, who had just walked by, turned beet red and hurried by. Lily looked horrified.

"I hope he didn't take that seriously!" She squeaked, her face turning the same shade of red as her hair.

I laughed as we left the Great Hall. "I doubt it. I think he fancies Alice Jenkins."

A greasy-haired boy fell into step beside us. Severus's dark eyes hardened when I met his gaze.

"Hello, Severus." I said politely.

He mumbled a greeting.

Lily brightened. "Hey, Sev! Why don't you come to class with us?"

Severus shrugged. He shared History of Magic class with Lily. "I suppose so."

Lily filled Severus in on her week while I parted ways to walk to Room 2E. The Charms class was taught by Professor Flitwick, who looked pleased to see me as I entered. Clearly, he was still happy to have added another member to his choir.

I took my usual seat in the front of the class, opening my textbook in preparation for the lesson. Professor Flitwick waited until the rest of the class had taken their seats, and then sat on the cushion on his high-backed chair, facing the three rows of tables.

"Good afternoon, class." He began, spreading open a thin notebook. "Congratulations on completing your first month of Charms class. Currently, our top student is Miss Harkstone."

There was a smattering of applause. I could feel my cheeks reddening.

"As a reward, she receives a charm for a charm bracelet! Get it? _Charm _bracelet?"

The class groaned.

"A reward will be given each month for the top of my class. Anyway, anyway," Professor Flitwick went on merrily, waving his wand so that a C-shaped moon charm floated to me, "I have decided that you have all become too comfortable. It's time to mix things up. Students learn the least when they are in their comfort zones."

I frowned slightly. Where was he going with this?

Professor Flitwick waved his wand again, and the chairs, with the students still inside, rose into the air. Alarmed, I gripped the seat with tight fingers. Two girls gasped in fear.

"I've changed the seating plan. So, hang on for a moment while we rearrange." The chairs floated above the desks and seemingly at random lowered themselves at different points of the room. Feeling my lunch churn in my stomach angrily, I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths to ease the nausea. Drifting through the air definitely wasn't one of my chosen pastimes.

I was in the back of the room now, three different students near my old seat. I felt a flicker of sadness and loss. I had liked my place at the head of the class. I hadn't had any distractions from other students. I had been able to listen and watch Professor Flitwick head-on so that I hadn't missed anything in the lesson. It was going to be much more difficult to learn in this setting.

"Very good, very good." Flitwick said, pleased. "And who can tell me the spell that I used in order to make the chairs move by themselves?"

"_Wingardium leviosa." _I answered, tracing my finger absently against a whorl in the grain of the table. Two students turned around and shot me irritated looks.

Professor Flitwick cleared his throat. Apparently, sending me to the back of the room had been an attempt to keep me quiet. And it had failed.

"Yes, very good, Miss Harkstone. Five points to Ravenclaw. But, please, try and give other students a chance to answer and to earn rewards."

Rolling my eyes, I stayed silent.

Professor Flitwick squeaked, "Please turn to page 67, class. Miss Young, would you care to read the first page of this chapter?"

Hannah Young began reading the chapter that I had already cruised through twice, once a month ago, and the second time, last night for review. I scribbled drawings into the margin of my notebook, placing the quarter-moon charm in the spine of the book so I wouldn't lose it.

"That's a nice drawing," a quiet voice complimented from my left. I looked over sharply and realized, for the first time, that I was not alone back here.

He was a green-eyed, sandy-haired boy my age, with faint pink scars on his face, as if a big housecat had clawed him right in the cheek. A really _big_ housecat. He didn't meet my gaze.

I studied his face for a moment. "You're the boy who was looking at me at breakfast."

He glanced at me, looking uncomfortable. "I didn't mean to."

I shrugged, returning to my drawing. It was a labyrinth of curves and waves. There was only one way out.

"I'm Amber." I said quietly as Hannah droned on. "I'm in Ravenclaw."

"I know." The boy replied. He was reading the textbook. He was following along with what Hannah was saying.

"What's your name?" I asked, remembering Lily's advice to put more effort into how my time was spent here at Hogwarts. _Just be friendly, Amber. Don't tune yourself out into books._

But that was exactly what this boy was doing. He didn't even look up.

"Your name?" I tried again, getting annoyed. Was he ignoring me, or just not hearing me?

He slid a quick look at me. "Remus."

"Remus…?"

Now he was the one looking annoyed. "Who would like to read next?" Professor Flitwick asked. "Anyone?"

Remus raised his hand. "I will, Professor." He recited the next three paragraphs of the chapter, his green eyes never looking my way.

I felt miffed. Lily had asked me to put myself out there, to try and form new friends, to engage with my fellow students. And this boy acted like I was some kind of mosquito annoyingly buzzing around his head. Narrowing my eyes, I raised my hand for the next volunteer.

"Yes, yes, go right ahead, Amber."

Taking a deep breath, I blitzed through the next four pages in the same amount of time it had taken Hannah Young to read three-quarters of just one. I never mispronounced a word or missed one. Half of the class had turned in their seats to give me alarmed expressions. "…This is why it is essential to maintain control when performing charms, especially ones involving elements like fire or water, to avoid injury. Remember, casting charms is the first step in the journey to becoming a fully fledged witch or wizard." I finished the sentence triumphantly and looked up at Professor Flitwick in conclusion.

He looked a little pained. "Very nice, Miss Harkstone. Well… let's see…" He began scrawling movements and words on the chalkboard. "Can someone tell me what kind of spell I would use if I wanted to conjure fire?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but before I could, Remus said, "_Incendio?"_

I shut my mouth and gave him a glare. "What's your problem?" I hissed as Flitwick praised him.

Remus shrugged. "You don't have all the answers, Amber."

I felt a flush rise from my neck to my face. "I'm aware of that." I said tightly.

Remus gave me a measured look. "Are you?"

Seething, I bent over my notebook and began drawing a pair of moose clashing with their mighty antlers.

"Today's assignment in class is going to involve making fire!" Flitwick announced. "But we won't be making fire from thin air today. Today, we will be setting fire to these balls of crumpled newspaper. In addition, you'll be utilizing the levitation charm you learned last week to keep the ball floating in the air while it burns." Flitwick waved his wand, and each of us received a ball of crumpled paper that floated over from his desk. "As Mister Lupin said, you'll want to use the charm _Incendio_. This is the hand movement." He made an upside-down V with his left hand. "And remember not to use too much power. Keep it controlled. The student who can keep their ball burning until the end of class will earn five points for their House."

Several students said _incendio _at once. From my vantage point, I could watch the attempts. A few balls didn't light at all. One boy, Joshua Freeman, exploded his ball of newspaper with a tiny _boom_. Professor Flitwick sent him another ball of paper, waving his hand to clear away the smoke.

I set my drawing aside and pulled out my ash wand. I copied the V-shaped movement Flitwick had demonstrated and muttered, _Incendio._ I focused on the ball as it slowly smoldered.

Remus was burning his newspaper ball as well. His glowed like a miniature sun and gave off light and heat that warmed my hand. I glanced over, trying not to show how impressed I was.

But Lily had said to make friends.

"That's really good." I ventured.

Remus didn't even blink. He stared at his globe-shaped flame, waving his wand lightly. The ball was like a magnet, following the movements exactly.

Annoyed, I tried again. "You're good with Charms."

Remus pretended not to hear me.

Anger flooded through my veins, burning away the courtesy and kindness. "You're a jerk, you know that?"

Remus lifted a brow. He waved his wand, like a whip cracking, and instantly, my slowly-burning newspaper gave a tiny _poof! _and exploded into a pile of blackened ashes. They drifted slowly on top of my drawing of the two clashing moose.

I leapt to my feet. "What's your problem? I was only trying to be nice!"

Remus gave me a cold look. "I don't want friends. So stop trying to be nice. Stop pretending to want to be my friend, because I don't want to be friends with you. Just leave me alone."

He hadn't yelled. He hadn't even raised his voice. He was just calm, cold, and precise, watching me with those hard green eyes like they were made of stone-cold emeralds. He reminded me so much of my mother that I nearly wept. And just like that, I was sucked into a memory that I had tried so hard to forget.

_Mum gave me a bored expression as I handed her a brilliant, rainbow-colored dahlia that I had grown myself and turned colors with magic. "What is this? Some cheap knockoff from the market?" she had said disdainfully as she turned away from me and praised Virginia for going for a short walk outside in the yard. _

_"__Mummy, look what I made for you." I said, trying to smile. "See? I made it. All by myself. It's for you."_

_Mum waved me off. "Go play outside, Amber. Your sister needs my attention. You're healthy. She's not."_

_I tugged on her skirt pleadingly. "But Mummy, I have a cold. I'm the sick one. Just look."_

_"__Go away, Amber!" Mum snapped. "I'm not going to play with you right now or see what you've done. Stop trying to impress me. Go outside and play with your dolls or your magic. Just leave me alone."_

_Just leave me alone._

_I ran outside, sitting in the shade of a rhodendron bush when Daddy saw my face. He stormed inside. I could hear him yell at Mum, even though the windows were shut._

_"__For God's sake, Lena. She's six years old! She needs your attention just as much as Virginia." He said the Lord's name._

_Mum screamed words at him that I don't want to remember. Not ever._

I blinked hard, breaking free of the memory. I stared at Remus, who was giving me a curious stare. Setting my jaw, I picked up my book and slipped it into my book bag.

"Miss Harkstone?" Professor Flitwick asked. "Where are you going? Class is still going for another fifteen minutes."

"I feel sick." I half-lied, back turned to him and the class. _Don't cry. You're not a baby. Crying never did any good for you. _I had cried buckets of tears in my life, mostly for myself. I sucked in a deep breath of air and marched out of the room. Tears burned my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

It wasn't Remus' fault for not wanting to be friends. He just didn't want to be. Plain and simple. _And I shouldn't be taking it personally._

So why was I?

The hallways were deserted. Class was still in session. I bustled down the empty stone corridor, my black robes billowing out behind me. The swaying trees beckoned me. I left the castle and strode away, determined to leave behind the mean students and the disappointments, even if just for an hour or two. I was so tired of the drama. I was so tired of crying!

I headed down a rocky path, leading down to the edge of the lake. Flat, smooth gray rocks lined the beach. There was no sand. Dropping my book bag, I plucked up a stone and skimmed it across the water. It skipped four times. I repeated it with another stone, and another. But soon I was casting them into the water with reckless abandon, picking up the heavier stones and flinging them into the cold depths of the water. My robes got in the way, so I tore them off and threw them aside. Red-faced and gasping, I threw stones until my arms were weak and little spots of color popped in my vision. I hunched over, hands on my thighs, panting, trying to catch my breath back.

Sometimes, there just weren't enough rocks.

Spent, I sat on a boulder on the edge of the lake, watching the water that I had disturbed slowly settle and smooth. Soon the surface of the lake was as still as a mirror. The overcast sky reflected soot-gray clouds.

I was completely alone out here. I didn't see any birds flying. No fish touched the surface of the water in search of bugs. I turned around and studied the great castle of Hogwarts looming above me, dominating the skyline. It was massive, impressive, a formidable and reliable fortress.

I thought about what Vincent Backe had written weeks ago in the Daily Prophet. He had said that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was on the way to power again. That he was gathering followers. It was hard to imagine that a man who was already such an infamous dark wizard had ever walked the halls of Hogwarts as a student, the same halls that I walked now. And it was just as likely that he had stood on this beach too, and probably sat where I was sitting, right now. A chill ran down my spine, but not from the cool air.

At least I had proven I was a witch. I had mastered the basics of Charms and was moving onto more advanced, but relatively basic, techniques. Potions was a fun class, but I didn't possess Lily's gifted touch. And from what she had told me about Severus, he was also a very skilled brewer.

My other classes were satisfactory. I was certain I had an A in each class. I wouldn't accept anything less. Not even a B+.

Drawing my knees to my chest, I tried not to think about James, Sirius, or Remus. What was it about those three? Why were they so repellant to me? Was it how I looked? Were they jealous of my brains? Remus seemed bright, but he was still cold and didn't want anything to do with me. James and Sirius couldn't get enough of me in all the wrong ways. They were mean, coarse, and unrefined. I wondered what kind of upbringing could have possibly made them the way they were.

The leaves on the trees were already changing color, blushing as autumn swept through. A light breeze stirred the water and sent a wave of leaves scattering through the air and along the ground. My long hair whipped in front of my face. I bent down to pick up another smooth rock. I pulled out my wand, tapping the surface lightly. "_Spongify." _

The hard granite rock softened. Pliable in my hands, I pressed it into different shapes and sizes. I slipped the rubbery rock into my bag and let out a heavy sigh. At least I was a witch. At least I could use magic, and know the history and technique behind spells. Hadn't I proven it over and over in class? Hadn't I proved it just now?

I had a feeling Mum still wouldn't be impressed. Not even if I learned how to cast a Patronus Charm in my first year.

I had an Astronomy class next, but the fact that it was overcast, coupled with the fact that the last place I wanted to be right now was inside stone walls, convinced me to play hooky for the first time this year and break my perfect attendance record. Picking up my bag, I walked along a narrow path that snaked along the edge of the lake. The only beaches were far and few between, and only rocks. I wondered if there was even any sand on the bottom of the huge lake.

I stopped twenty minutes into my walk at an alcove. From here, I could see Hogwarts in all its glory. Even from this distance, it was impressive. I felt a tug of yearning to return. After all, I was probably breaking the rules by being this far from the school. I couldn't have been more than a mile, but I was sure I nearing boundaries of some sort.

"This is probably as good a spot as ever." I conceded. I would take a break here and turn around.

I approached the water's edge, bending down to dip my hands in the cold water. I splashed my warm face with two full hands. I shook my hair away from my face and dabbed it with the hem of my robe. I turned to leave when I saw four heads on the surface of the water.

My heart constricted in fear and alarm. Spine tingling with horror, I backed up, nearly tripping over rocks, but then the heads came closer. I realized with a rush of adrenaline that they were mermaids. They ducked underwater and broke the surface just a few feet from where I was.

I stood, transfixed. They were beautiful. As they got closer, I could see their attractively slanted eyes, their long, curling, flowing hair cascading over their bare shoulders. They were all female, and all more beautiful than any person that walked on land. They came close to the shore, in the shallows, making peculiar clicking and moaning noises.

I approached slowly, rocks clattering under my feet. They came closer. I could see their long, shimmering tails underneath the water, even in the dull overcast light. The one closest to me never blinked.

Oh, she had such a beautiful face. How was it possible for a mermaid to look like an angel? I pulled on my hair absently, knowing I would never be as pretty as any of them were. _When will I ever get this chance again? _I thought. _Maybe I should get a little closer, just to remember what they look like…_

I felt something cold on my legs, but assumed it was just the lake water splashing up onto me because of the mermaids making tiny waves. I leaned closer, transfixed by the mermaid's dark eyes. They were dark, black, like Severus's. They were blacker than obsidian, and colder, like the depths of the lake.

Her face swam closer. My hair swung around the sides of my face. Why was she going under the water? Why was she moving so slowly?

I felt something wrap around my ankle, cold, hard, and wet, and that was when I realized I was in trouble. It must have showed on my face, because the mermaid's face twisted into an ugly snarl and she gave a sharp tug.

I fell face-first into the water.

The water wasn't deep, only up to my knees, but the mermaid pulled me under. And pinned me.

I struggled, trying not to panic, but all I saw were the silver bubbles of my own breath escaping to the surface of the water. My own life was flashing in little pockets of air, right before my horrified eyes. And I was drowning.

I tried to fight, but the mermaid far overpowered me. I groped for my wand, but what good would that do? I didn't know any spells to protect myself other than _expelliarmus_. And mermaids didn't have wands.

I struggled harder, panic overwhelming every sense, every fiber of my body screaming _DANGER!. _I was dying, and this mermaid was going to drown me.

I fought, but she was relentless. She could breathe underwater. I could not.

My flails weakened. I was tired, and the water was filling my ears, nose, mouth, and lungs… I was going to die here, in knee-deep water, in my first month of school. Why hadn't I stayed on the shore…?

Suddenly I was ripped out of the water and thrown onto the rocks. There was a terrible snarling, and then screams and shrieks. I could hear loud splashing and furious growls. I tried to open my eyes, but all I could see was black.

Rocks clattered next to me. Something hit my chest hard, as if a punch had been slammed right into my gut. Jackknifing up, I vomited and coughed up lungfuls of lake water, gasping for air. I greedily sucked the sweet mountain air into my lungs, even though it burned like fire. I clutched my throat, then my head. I had come within minutes of dying.

Trembling hard, I looked around, trying to find my savior. My vision was still blurry. I rubbed my eyes and tried to see.

A fuzzy shape slowly focused into view. Short, messy hair… Green eyes…

Surprise overtook any fear, dizziness, or confusion. "Remus?" I croaked.

He grimaced. "You're an idiot."

I coughed hard, my hair dripping, my clothes sodden. "I… I was just…"

He held up a hand for silence. "Come on, it doesn't matter." He helped me to my feet. I staggered toward my bag, my legs shaking harder than had ever in my entire life.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Remus demanded as he escorted me down the narrow path leading back to Hogwarts.

"I just wanted to get away for a little bit." I retorted, but even that sounded stupid and childish to me. Ears flaming in shame, I bit my lips to keep from talking and embarrassing myself further.

"Mermaids drown people." He explained, exasperated. "You were probably easy prey for them. An easy meal."

A cold shudder raced down my back. Me? Dinner? "That's awful."

He grimaced again. "You look sick."

"I might puke again." I leaned over against a tree and threw up again. More lake water came up. Tears streaming from my eyes from the burn, I wiped my mouth and hobbled beside him.

"I'm a vegetarian." I croaked.

Remus sighed. "Take off your robe."

Too numb to protest, I obeyed.

Remus pulled off his robe and laid it over my shoulders. He wrapped up my sopping robe and carried it for me, then hefted my book bag onto his other shoulder.

"You don't have to do that for me." I said after a long moment.

Remus gave me a pointed look. "You can hardly stand, let alone walk. I don't want you to collapse with this extra weight."

Chilled by the water and by the experience of nearly being eaten by mermaids, I wrapped his warm robe around my shoulders and didn't protest.

"How did you know I was in trouble?" I asked after several steps.

A muscle jerked in Remus' cheek. "I wanted to apologize to you after you walked out of class. I didn't mean to you make you upset. But you seemed like you wanted to be alone, so I gave you space. I was going to apologize on that beach, but the mermaids got you first."

I shut my eyes briefly. I never wanted to think about that again, but I knew it was going to haunt me for a long time to come. Especially at night, in my dreams.

"You okay?" Remus asked, concerned.

"I'm fine." I replied, moving my jelly-like legs. "I just want to get warm and dry."

"I wish I knew a spell for that." Remus mused ruefully. "Madame Pomfrey will patch you up."

"You know her?" I gave him a half-smile. "James and Sirius beat you up?"

He shook his head. "They're my friends. They wouldn't hurt me."

I snorted at that, but it backfired and I coughed hard for a few moments before I could talk again. "They're mean as hornets. They…" I didn't want to admit how many times they'd reduced me to tears. "They're bullies. To me and to others."

Remus' eyes shadowed. "I know. I wish they wouldn't but they're just being boys."

I rolled my eyes. "They're just being arses."

He grimaced again. "I can't argue with that."

Remus stayed close as we ascended the steep path back up the slope of the hill that led to the castle. Out of breath, I was unable to talk until we were in the corridors again. Our footsteps echoed loudly in the halls. They were empty again. The other classes must have been in session. I glanced out of the windows and shot a disdainful look at the lake before turning away. What other horrors swam beneath the surface?

"Almost there." Remus promised as we rounded another bend. I nodded silently and followed him. He walked with purpose and familiarity, as if he had been to this part of the castle several times before.

Two great doors opened for Remus, revealing a cathedral-like room with several beds lining the walls. A woman in a white apron and white hat rose from a desk and hurried to meet us. Her light brown hair was graying at the temples, but her blue eyes were full of energy and knowledge. "Oh my heavens!" She exclaimed. "Child! What happened to you?"

"Fell into the water." Remus said. "A mermaid tried to pull her in."

The nurse looked horrified, then furious. "A mermaid attack? Here? Dumbledore'll have a word with those fishwives. Oh, he'll have _several_…"

I glanced at Remus. Those things hadn't spoken English. How was Dumbledore "going to have a word" with them?

The nurse shook her head, placing her hands on me. "You poor thing. You look as pale as death. Come, come with me. Remus, thank you for bringing her here. You may return to your class."

He nodded. "You're welcome, Madame Pomfrey. I can tell Dumbledore what happened if you want."

She shook her head. "Thank you, Remus, but I'd rather speak with him myself. But I may need you to share your account of the story if the Headmaster requires it."

Remus dipped his head. "Feel better, Amber."

I smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Remus."

He handed my wet robe back to Madame Pomfrey. I started to shrug out of his robe, but Remus shook his head. "Just return it to me the next time I see you in class."

Warmth filled me at his kindness. "Thanks."

Remus gave me a quick smile, and left.

"Such a nice boy." Madame Pomfrey murmured as she fussed over me like a mother hen over a chick. "You poor thing. You must have been scared out of your mind."

I shrugged. I didn't want to tell her how much it had shaken me, how close I had come to becoming a new ghost wandering the halls of Hogwarts.

Madame Pomfrey changed me into a gown and wrapped me in huge, fluffy quilts, but I still felt the chill of death deep inside of me. I wondered if the lake water lingered inside, a poison of the mermaid that would eventually turn me into a half-fish hybrid. I pushed the unpleasant thought away.

Madame Pomfrey gently pressed a steaming mug of green tea into my cold hands. "Oh, you're still freezing." She fretted. "Come, have some tea. That's it."

I took a sip, nearly scalding my tongue, but I wanted to put her mind at rest. "Thank you."

Two figures in robes swept down the hall. One of them was Professor McGonagall. The other was Dumbledore. A third figure who I hadn't seen before because of his short stature appeared. It was Flitwick.

None of them looked happy.

Shame prickled my face. I hardly dared to look at them.

"What were you thinking?" McGonagall snapped. "A first year? Wandering off on your own? Nearly outside of our borders?" She looked furious. "You could have been killed! You almost were, by the looks of you!"

I ducked my head, wishing I could sink into the floor.

"I am very disappointed in you." Flitwick said in a grave tone. "Very bad, very unwise judgment. Twenty-five points will be taken from Ravenclaw."

I closed my eyes, wishing I could go deaf.

"Can't you let her rest first?" Madame Pomfrey fussed. "She's had a very bad scare, which I think is plenty enough for punishment. If Remus hadn't found her, she'd be dead!"

Silence met her words. "Is this true, Amber?" McGonagall said quietly.

I nodded.

"Tell us what happened." She instructed. "Take all the time you need."

I felt like she was patronizing me, which made me feel worse. I told them what I had done. _I'm such a child. How could I have been so foolish?_

"This looks like a cry for attention." McGonagall said harshly. "Maybe we should send her home until she's mature enough to attend our school."

My head snapped up, my mouth parting in horror. Tears filled my eyes and poured down my cheeks. I stared at her, devastated.

Dumbledore smiled gently. "I think she is ready to attend, Minerva. We made the right choice in choosing her for the class of 1978. She made a mistake, as we all do, especially at her age. I think she has learned her lesson. You have, haven't you, Amber?"

I nodded my head fiercely. "Please, please don't send me home." I begged. I fought to keep from breaking down completely. The last thing I wanted was to be sent home. What would Mum say?

Professor McGonagall sighed. "Professor Dumbledore, she needs to be punished. This is inexcusable behavior. Even from a first year."

Dumbledore spread his old hands. "She has learned her lesson, Minerva. If this behavior repeats itself, then we may discuss alternative discipline. Right now, I think, she has been punished enough by a near death experience."

McGonagall looked mutinous, but kept her mouth shut, her lips pressed together in a tight line.

Professor Flitwick cleared his throat. "No more leaving class, Amber, unless it's straight to the infirmary. Understood?"

I hung my head. "Yes, sir."

"Well, thank you, Poppy." said Dumbledore. "I leave her in your capable care."

"Are you going to speak with those heathens?" Madame Pomfrey half-demanded.

"Yes, of course. I will speak with them." Dumbledore moved himself into my field of vision so that he could look into my eyes. I wanted to look away in shame, but his electric blue eyes locked me in place.

"You were a very brave girl for fighting back, Amber. Well done." He sounded genuine. I nodded once, unable to speak past the lump in my throat. It was the first nice thing someone had said to me about the entire incident.

The three teachers left.

Madame Pomfrey encouraged me to finish my tea. I obeyed. The warmth chased away most of the chill. But most of my relief came from knowing that I wasn't going to be expelled. I wanted to weep, but for what? Nothing bad was going to happen to me. My bad decision was not going to cost me my place at Hogwarts.

I took a deep breath. _Calm down, Amber. You're acting like a baby, crying and helpless. Get a grip!_

Since I was her only steward, Madame Pomfrey saw to my every need for the next few hours. She offered to spoon-feed me a mushroom and vegetable broth soup, but I quickly assured her I was capable of feeding myself.

"What a nice boy, that Remus." Madame Pomfrey sighed as she folded his newly washed and dried robe.

"How do you know him?" I asked as I ate, hoping to glean some information on the mysterious boy.

Madame Pomfrey smiled. "I see him every few weeks. He brings me flowers. He's a sweet boy, Miss Harkstone. I'm not the least bit surprised that he saved your life." Her eyes darkened, and she turned away, laying his robe over the end of my cot and straightening sheets on the vacant beds nearby.

"What do you mean?"

Madame Pomfrey sighed. "I mean he's got a kind soul. And I knew he would do great things. Noble things." She glanced at the clock. "You should try and sleep."

My gaze swiveled around the wide, empty room. It was creepy. "I'd like to sleep in my own bed tonight."

She frowned. "Heavens, no. I'm going to keep you overnight for observation. Don't worry, dear, I sleep right over there." She pointed to a door near the back of the room. "I won't be very far if you need me."

I felt daunted at the thought of sleeping out here alone.

She seemed to notice my distress, because she added, "I can leave the door open."

_Are you a baby, Amber? _I thought angrily. I shook my head, even though a part of me protested. "I'm alright. But thank you."

She left me a pitcher of water and turned in for the night. I opened a fat textbook from my bag. _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them _by Newt Scamander, along with my Charms book. I flipped through the pages, my wand held at my side. _"Protego," _I muttered, furious that I hadn't remembered such a simple defensive spell when I was under attack. I would need to work on that. A panicked brain was more dangerous than a mermaid.

_**Merpeople **(also known as Sirens, Selkies, Merrows)_

_M.O.M. Classification: XXXX_

_Merpeople exist throughout the world, though they vary in appearance almost as much as humans. Their habits and customs remain as mysterious as those of the centaur, though those wizards who have mastered the language of Mermish speak of highly organized communities varying in size according to habitat, and some have elaborately declined "being" status in favour of a "beats" classification._

_The oldest recorded merpeople were known as sirens (Greece) and it is in warmer waters that we find the beautiful mermaids so frequently depicted in Muggle literature and painting. The selkies of Scotland and the Merrows of Ireland are less beautiful but they share that love of music which is common to all merpeople._

_Merpeople are omnivorous and will hunt people just as they would their aquatic prey, especially if food is scare. Males do not hunt. The females are responsible for food and for defending the clan. If threatened, they will attack. Females have also been known to be very jealous and will drown women simply because they envious. They should be treated with caution, just as centaurs and other XXXX rated creatures are._

I clutched my wand tightly in my right hand. I kept replaying the horrible experience over and over in my mind's eye, unable to stop. "_Protego." _I whispered over and over. _"Protego." _I cast shield charm after shield charm, long after midnight had passed. By morning, I was a master at the protective charm.

I would never be helpless again.


End file.
